'wonderful opportunity'

this is how my dear therapist describes the situation i am experiencing at the moment

really do have to love her optimism!

and of course, she is right...

so it seems for most of my adult life, and indeed, my career, I have been run by the younger me who desperately needs approval, to feel good enough and to be valued....

this of course, stems back to my childhood, where perfection was a must and mistakes were punished in a such an extreme way that my inner voice is often saying 'you're not good enough'...

and this is not the first time i've observed this; to be honest, it has been going on for so long that at times, I forget it's the voice of my younger self and not the 49 year old successful and lovely person that i've become...

but still, she drives me

she takes over sometimes; no more obviously than when i said yes to the older female client who begged me to help her with something...sound familiar!

so the younger me, the people pleaser, the one looking for approval, said yes, before i even really took a moment to think about whether or not i wanted to...

and what has resulted has mostly been 6-7 weeks of hell...feeling at their beck and call (admittedly this is how consulting works, but perhaps there's a lesson in that alone...?), putting up with rude behaviour from the client (not the woman, but her appointed CEO), and now, to top it off, they are 16 days late paying my invoice and i'm tying myself in knots working out how to get it paid...

so yes, Sal is right; this is indeed, a wonderful opportunity for me to learn...

so i will...

but in doing so, i need to listen to that younger me, listen to her yes, let her drive me, no!

learning learning learning!