rebuilding confidence...

isn't easy...

especially after a series of small incidents, all of which in isolation are probably nothing, but when they happen in succession, seem to have a much bigger cumulative impact

sigh

started in early september; when the hairdresser a friend referred me to, was so rude to me (turns out her teenage daughter had been playing up and she needed a holiday) that I spent at least a week wondering if it was me....

when she told me she'd need to change my colour appointment, i said sure when, she responded with 2-3 weeks...really? don't most people my age with grey hair prefer to stick to their 4 week schedule so they don't have a grey strip? i told her that wouldn't work and she told me that 'i was selfish, she was tired and needed a holiday and her life didn't revolve around me'....

really! this actually happened, a so called customer service person said this to me....suffice to say i haven't and won't go back - i would never recommend her and i was so affronted by how she chose to speak to me that i actually hung up on her; rather than responding....really, what would have been the point?

and that was the start of weirdness with Mandy, the friend who'd recommended her...understandably she didn't want to get involved (of course, why would she? difficult for her)....so imagine my shock then when she didn't hear back from one of my bff's laurel about her cupcake trays and wanted me to get involved...

gotta love people's double standards...add to that she didn't make what laurel wanted and seemed to think that laurel wasn't trustworthy....really?  and when i don't respond to one of her texts on a saturday by sunday morning i get the 'is there a reason you aren't talking to me?' message...seriously, are we 15? i think not....she knew very well that i was busy at a 50th - the very 50th she made cupcakes for....

then when her birthday was approaching i asked her what she was doing and she sent me an 'oh, i forgot to invite you' message for dinner....

add to that the cold shoulder of me on FB and the fact that when i do stuff i've always done, she often refers to me as 'fancy'...when i've never tried to make out that we are different, even though we are

and then, one of my clients who i'd just completed my first month of facilitating for - who had given me nothing but positive, glowing in fact, feedback, happened to tell me that i nearly didn't get the gig as her and the partner thought i was abrupt sometimes....true, i can be

but when i asked her if something had prompted her to tell me that on the day she said no

when i said that i was sorry they had that view, and enquired as to what i may have done to leave them with that impression, she said 'oh, i don't know, can't come up with anything specific'

seriously! what is the value of telling someone after you've employed them that they nearly didn't get the job? what a fucking stupid thing to do....

so i guess i feel that i'm constantly being judged, and sure, i judge others, but it's really gotten to me...

what i don't want to do is start second guessing everything i do or everything i say....far too bloody exhausting

this is when having a significant other would be nice; someone to be on my side (even though i'm trying to be on my side), someone to debrief with rather than the constant hashing and rehashing i sometimes do when on my own...

and i do love my own company - i do, but sometimes a circuit breaker would be good!

so the journey to reframe, to learn and to rebuild commences....

i'm tired of pretending...

i had tea with one of my oldest friends the other day and she looked at me, grabbed my hand and said 'Sar, please don't be closed off to love'...

it's really got me thinking...

i don't think i'm closed off to it, but maybe i appear that way

maybe the tough funny girl act does keep a whole bunch of really nice men at bay

honestly, i've always held nice men at bay

horrible men, unavailable men, men who won't treat me right - they're always welcomed

but nice men - no sirree!

truth is i'm so utterly afraid of being hurt, of being abandoned, so i tend not to let them in...

but you know what? i'm lonely - not always, but the last few weeks since my parents have been away i'm lonely - and not like i live my life for them or through them - most weeks i see them once - twice...

but i'm lonely

i want that real love - i want someone in my life who knows and loves all of me

even the young girl who was sexually abused by her best friend...it's hard to fathom that what Chris did all those years ago has really made it hard for me to let other men in...he hurt me, not just because of what he did to me that night, but because he was supposed to be my best friend, i was supposed to be able to trust him...

but he took that away from me...i don't think i'll ever get it back - how could i?

so universe, please help me to open up, to be more trusting, less cynical....

please......

frustrated and just not feeling 'it' today....

sigh

yep, that's how i'm feeling today...

the day didn't get off to a good start when the 8am tradesman turned up at 7.45 and I was dripping wet - told them not to send anyone earlier than 8 as i haven't been well; but seems nobody listens these days :(

yes, seems this is going to be a gripe about nobody listening....

not helped by the fact that a bunch of my friends haven't even responded to an invitation that I sent weeks ago, and that one of my clients (usually my favourite client) hasn't listened to some advice I gave her (which of course, she is entitled to) but it's ended up causing a shit experience for a 3rd party that i'm now trying to resolve...

i'm also really annoyed because throughout one of the processes i've been assisting with (recruiting) she has changed her mind a lot (not easy to manage with candidates) and seems incapable of making a simple decision.  this has left a bunch of people, including another 3rd party to her business, saying things like 'she's not clear, hasn't been crisp and has changed her mind'...thank goodness it's not just me

so today, I'm a bit over it, over myself and not feeling anything resembling mojo!

oh, and yes another client who i haven't yet started work with also don't appear to respond to emails and have confessed that their communication (as a company) is crap...

so, actually maybe i'm just not feeling heard is the problem and i know this to be one of my buttons!

thought about taking myself for a walk but it's 5 degrees outside and even in the sun that is way too cold for me...

so i think i'll make myself a cuppa, watch one of my fave shows, and perhaps in a few hours, i'll be feeling more myself...

oh, and because i have been honest with my client about the process i feel bad, yep, i feel guilty....she's clearly frustrated - i'm frustrated, the candidate is frustrated and the other party is frustrated and i wonder if she holds me accountable for the fact that she couldn't make a simple decision....

sad face :-(

swings and roundabouts...

so funny how the start of a day or week, or even hour, can not go well and then suddenly, things look completely ok again...

one of the wonders of human nature i guess...

reminds me of that famous platitude, which isn't really a platitude, that 'this too shall pass'...

it really does! whether things are good or bad, they are, essentially temporary...this was such a good lesson from my early days of meditation and buddhist teachings...

no wonder why so many people are trying to be 'in the moment' rather than looking backwards (i do this too much sometimes) or looking forward (i do this too, how else could i be described as a dreamer?)...

so, a few days on from the early week loss of mojo, i'm feeling good again...

i haven't quite secured a new client yet, but i've been asked to resubmit a proposal for a somewhat altered scope and it would still be a great piece of work to secure between now and the financial year end; and it would be my first NFP gig, and a lovely client who i think could use me more if i do a good job on this one (which of course, I will...)

so tonight i'm trying out a new yoga studio - one in the same suburb as my lovely little home - how convenient - bound to make it much easier for me to go more often...

they have a great schedule, a wide range of classes and for 10 classes it's only $160 if you pay upfront - pretty darn good!

so, off to my 2nd class of the week...

adios peeps x

post script to pissed off...

so it seems my polite and professional email response got the desired outcome for me - no reduction in invoice but still, i'm a bit miffed...

should i be?

maybe it was so that i could observe my reaction - and let me tell you, it was a reaction...

what i am pleased about is that previously i suspect my response would have been more reaction and less response...

guess i have at least come that far...

so, now i'm wondering how one curtails the reaction...?

is that possible?

i guess over time it is, this morning it wasn't!

ha!

pissed off

this morning, and maybe i shouldn't be!

so i've issued my 2nd invoice to a company i'm doing work for and the guy i used to work with has sent me a bunch of questions asking if i'll reconsider one of my pieces of work...in the scheme of the entire invoice it is for 2.5 hours of my time, which is probably less than it took in reality! and in an invoice of $8,800 (for his company) it's $454! seriously.....

he has told me that other people often think he is nit picky and manages them tightly with costs, and i previously hadn't experienced that; until this morning!

leaves me feeling less than inspired to do what i need to do for them today i can tell you...

then there's the other side of me who appreciates that he's probably getting pressure, it's his job etc. etc. and/or maybe he just wants to let me know who is boss...

and all this after i did some work for his Mum, and when i sent him the amount, he said 'I'm sure it's more than that'...

i do not overcharge people and maybe that's what i'm angry about....

anyway, i politely responded to his email and told him that i was more than happy to talk about it - which of course i am - in fact, I would have preferred him to call me with his questions rather than send a very professional/cold email....

pretty fucking pissed off.....

one mojo lost...

i have zero mojo today...and sure, i'm old and wise enough to know that this sometimes happens...

the lack of sun won't be helping - it's overcast in the capital today and cold!

running your own business can be tough sometimes; mostly it's rewarding and flexible and bloody fabulous, but on occasion, usually when you're not so busy you don't have time to think, it's not quite so busy, and whilst i would love to be able to celebrate those times, my first thought is often 'hmmm i wonder where the next client will come from' and that sometimes, not always, leads to 'what if another client doesn't come'...

funny how our minds work...when i decided to go out on my own (again) late last year, i had no clue really where the clients would come from, or if they would...

but since 1 Feb when i officially stopped being on holiday, i've been reasonably busy...and each month since then my billings have grown...

yep, great evidence for days like today where i'm just feeling meh! of course, i could also be getting a sinus infection (this time of the year in the capital, unfortunately, heralds the start of a long sinus season!)....

so instead of doing the small amount of work i have today, i've been 'cleaning up'; not actually a bad way to get things in order...

they say a tidy desk means a tidy mind - really? i think that's utter bullshit really, but when i'm procrastinating, i sort!

i've made various health appointments which were long overdue, i've paid bills, i've actually filed client stuff and sorted out that pile of paper/letters which has bee building up in the kitchen for weeks...

i'm about to make my 3rd cuppa for the day and then maybe i'll get into work...

but i feel completely uninspired! it could also be because one the assignments with one of my first and favourite clients is about to come to an end (a natural end)...and i'll miss working with her...

funny how we, or in this case me, grieve the loss of clients...in the case of an HR consulting client, i think it's good really when they no longer need you because either you've a) helped them resolve the problem and/or b) shared with them a bunch of stuff which makes it easier for them to navigate their problems on their own...for me personally, these are both good things!

so meh meh meh

i have Monday-itis! maybe another cuppa will sort it out...

on a positive note my Blue baggers had a great win on Saturday - Dad and I enjoyed that very much :-)

happy Monday peeps - hope you're not having mojo loss!

beating myself up today...

so in an effort to be kinder to myself, thought i'd blog about it and as often happens, perhaps some illumination whilst typing....

so why am i beating myself up? well, i moved back to my home town just a little over a year ago and since then, have spent more time with my parents than i have in the best part of 25 years...

so it's taking some adjusting living in the same city, and i've become the person i am without them really being around...

also, i met up with a man i met through my dad last week and he said something which has kind of stayed with me; namely that 'his parents are in his way as he tries to be himself'...

i could SO relate to that, and not that I want to ascribe any blame to my dear parents, no, i do want to delve into this further...

so, initially, after moving home there was a desire to spend a lot of time with them - this was, i believe mutual.  i was very unhappy at work, still finding my way here after 25 years in the big smoke (a big adjustment) and still forging friendships, old and new...

so then once i started to need a bit more Sarah time, i felt guilty pulling back...but i observed that if i suggested something and they didn't want to or couldn't do it, they were quite open about that, yet i always felt guilty saying no...go figure!

some family systems stuff going on right there...

and right now i am finding that a bunch of stuff about my dad really annoys me, and i feel guilty about it...

he has always been someone i've looked up to, but when you get to see someone more frequently and they become a part of your day to day life, you, or me in this case, i've started to see things that i didn't see before..

mostly, this tendency to be 'helpless' is driving me crazy! and sure he's getting older, but he's 74 not 94!

so what sparked off my spiral today? we were in a store looking for an office chair for him and he was standing right in my space, and i think i just said 'Dad, can you not stand so close to me'...of course him (and my Mum) know nothing about the stuff that happened to me when i was 13, and i don't want them to know, but at times, it would be easier if they knew as they might understand my sometimes odd behaviour...

and i don't think i'm particularly odd, but in some situations i probably react/behave differently than others...

so these sorts of interactions leave me feeling guilty; i'm over that! what i'd like to do is find ways to better deal with this so that in those situations i don't behave in a way that i then beat myself up for...

talking to Tony last week was good though as  for the first time in ages i felt that someone really understood where i was coming from and had similar issues

i've often thought that i'm the worst version of myself with my parents and this is clearly not unique to me

but i'm sick of feeling bad about how i sometimes behave so it might be time for a different approach...

in the meantime, i'm going to try and be kinder to myself...not like they're always perfect! and not like they've been fabulous role models in this regard at times, but as is my way, i take it all on and blame myself...

ok, work to do!

i love my blog....sep 16 post

i do!

it's been going for nearly 9 years - wow, that sounds like a long time when I write it down....

and it started off as a project of sorts for a module in my counselling course, and then, I continued it as a way to encourage me to write more (and sure, I wrote it more), but really, has it had any lasting or real impact on my actual writing...no!

so earlier today I took a squiz through some of my older posts - the new ones, the ones when Ben and I got together, the ones just after we'd broken up, and more recently the scant few about the last hideous workplace I was at...

funny how at the time things seem really big and take up a lot of space in your thoughts/feelings and life...funny too that a lot of the earlier posts (esp one about a former big four banking colleague) are now things that I have absolutely no recollection about at all...

makes that saying 'don't sweat the small stuff' seem very real and quite apt!

rejection, or is it?

so this post was inevitable!

late last year i was introduced to a company here in the capital; they provide consulting/training to public sector clients...i met with the principal and his offsider and in early january they reached out asking if i could assist them to get some of their materials into shape...

if i am 100% honest with myself i wasn't that excited about taking their current materials and making them into something else, especially without the likelihood of being asked to then deliver the programs (and sure, i absolutely understand that he needed to see my work and how i operate before unleashing me on clients)...

so then imagine how i felt when the principal (in a meeting to talk about what he wanted) he not only shared with me copies of the materials of his competitors, but said he 'stole' their models; now admittedly, he may have said this in jest....but i didn't feel comfortable then

then, the 2nd time i met him, he kept saying things which made me think he wanted me to do the work (writing training materials) in their offices, which would make it difficult for me to continue running my own business..

then it took them at least one follow up to send me a contract, and when they did send me one, it was one which had not been tailored for the work i was to do, and in my view onerous...

so i made some suggestions about changes, which his offsider was fine with....but i wasn't surprised when he called me this morning to say that 'he'd like to go in a different direction and wouldn't be proceeding'

so, what have i learned?

firstly, it's OK to feel disappointed
it's probably not wise to think of that disappointment as rejection - truth is, i didn't want to do the work under his conditions
secondly, disappointment and rejection are going to happen, in life, in business so best i use this as a way to learn how to handle it :-)

most importantly i think it's a really useful reminder of those automatic old patterns which don't necessarily continue to serve us...

and it's important to remember that my gut is good - it's had plenty of practice and i would like to learn to trust it more

another day 28 june 2016 post script

well it's taken some time for me to be able to write about this, but i can say that having read that post a number of times, including a few minutes ago, i am really proud of the person i am...

proud of the courage i have and continue to show
proud of the way i gracefully fought this claim (and won)
proud of the way i continued to turn up to work despite the monumental cost to my physical, emotional and mental wellbeing; and
proud of the way i chose to extract myself from that situation (despite the fears of i'm new in this town, nobody knows me, i'll never get another job etc.)

well i showed them! and i don't say that in a mean way but they picked the wrong person to mess with in this particular situation

i did nothing wrong - the thing that pleases me most is even then, i believed in myself and knew in my heart i had done nothing wrong

i was the person being bullied, and man did they pay for that?

working at that company and for that man and with some of those colleagues was one of the most difficult times of my professional career, but a time that taught me so much; about who i am, about who i want to be, about what i want to be doing and about what's important to me

i'm writing about it today because i found myself 'sticking to my guns' about something else in the last couple of days, but in a different way and with a positive outcome...and in doing so, it's inspired me to try and capture what my values are and what the values of my new business will be

and sure i don't usually go in for these buzz words, but actually, who i am and what i stand for and how i will behave - these are important things for both me (reminders when i'm under pressure or when things aren't going well) and for my clients (so they know what they will get, what i stand for etc.)

but mostly, i wanted to document that i survived the awful experiences of the last workplace i will likely ever be an employee at, and not only did i survive, i thrived...

since leaving there i was offered another job (1 day after leaving), i have moved back to my home town which i am more grateful for than words could ever express and i have started my own business again...

so each day i get to choose how i will be, how i show up and what work i do...

so PS thanks terrible former workplace for making it so bad that i decided to stand up for me, for what i believe in and to find a way to follow my dream :-)

2016: a year in review

wow! i can't believe it's only 3 more sleeps until my 48th birthday, which means i'm at least a week late writing my 'year in review' post...oops!

it's going to take some doing to remember the high (and low) lights of 2016, but i'll give it my best shot...

January: my 47th birthday and the first of many birthday celebrations in the capital - for the first time in a long time, got to share my birthday with my parents! had a lovely day with family and friends at Kingston (where i was living)....Australia Day i was back in Sydney and Georgie donned her wing mirror Aussie flags for the first time...quiet day but caught up with Sus...this was the month the campaign to sell my unit started - stressful times! enjoyed 2 days of cricket at the SCG with Pops, albeit rain interrupted!

February: the month seems to be dominated by keeping one home clean and hoping for news on the other! towards the end of this month my Naremburn home was passed in at auction but sold a couple of weeks later....it felt odd and daunting as no news of my new home was forthcoming; for a time i thought i'd actually be homeless! bought myself a lovely antique ring i'd seen years before and didn't buy in a QVB jewellers - my farewell to Sydney gift :-)

March: enjoyed a lovely day at the races with Shelley for Mum's birthday and a few outings to the French Film Festival with Ange...also enjoyed a modern interpretation of Wuthering Heights at the Canberra Theatre (which I'm loving very much), spent a few weekends in Sydney and enjoyed a movie with Mrs J...the highlight of the month was probably the 16 March inspection of my new home! where all was in order...move in was now looking imminent! and of course the trek to the G with Dad, Sammy and Dan to see our Blues lose to the Tiges...this year, i'm sure we'll do better this year!

April: the month seems dominated with packing! man i have a lot of stuff - Mrs J was a fabulous help in getting me organised and with more than 200 boxes, it was eventually loaded into a truck on 14 April....i said goodbye to my lovely home and neighbours in Naremburn and after 12 years of happy living, didn't really look back....on Friday 15 April i moved into the bubble...not without incident, but i settled pretty quickly...Mum, Dad and various family and other friends helped me settle in....got to spend my Dad's birthday with him and was invited to celebrate over lunch with some of his work colleagues...enjoyed buying my first pair of wellies since we left England, spent Anzac Day with the parentals and Pete and on the last day in April my black glass fridge finally arrived - well worth the wait!

May: the month started well with a win by the old blues! enjoyed a new tradition of watching the footy with my Dad (something that obviously wasn't possible when i lived in the big smoke), and started to prepare for my upcoming trip to the city that never sleeps....celebrated Sonja's birthday with her and enjoyed a night at the theatre, as well as Paint it Up with Mum for Mothers' Day....turns out the capital has so much to do and enjoy :-) a quick trip to Melbourne for my last board meeting and dinner with the Melb fam at Movida Acqui - seriously one of my fave restaurants! Dan loved it! arrived into JFK on 15 May and the start of my fabulous holiday with a Yankees game with Anita and Sam...then up to Ithaca to visit my dear friends PA and Elliot (for her birthday)...had an awesome few days and then up to Toronto, which was a great visit with Wendy, Joe and Aunty Freda...marred by the passing of my dear Grandma the night before her 99th birthday...i was sad, but pleased she is now reunited with her beloved Arthure....RIP Peggy xx fun times in NYC with Anita and Inez...awesome times upstate with the Rubinsteins and Ostroms....plenty of time to contemplate life, and in particular work, which had gone pearshaped...enjoyed hours wandering round aimlessly - got to see the High Line and spent hours at both the Guggenheim and the MOMA...Anite and I ventured up to Harlem and Sylvia's - worth it! best fried chicken ever! and amateur night at the Apollo - which was very amateur! my 2nd visit to Niagara - still an awesome sight! and a few days with Wendy, Joe and Aunty Freda - did some fabulous shopping at Niagara on the Lake - recommend! back to NYC for a few more days and i saw A Streetcar Named Desire in Brooklyn with Gillian Anderson - amazing!

June: a few final days in NYC, catch ups with Anita, plenty of shopping and then home to face the music of an awful work situation...my parents were amazing during this time, and assisted greatly with helping me make the decision to leave...but the timing of said decision would mean i couldn't leave until 3 August....caught up with high school friend Christine in June - what was meant to be a mini reunion ended up being just us two! Roger and Max bought me a lovely bay tree/pot as a housewarming gift....and i got to live through my first full time Canberra winter in 25 years! brrr....will be better prepared this time around!  realised that my criteria of a 'north facing' place was a must to survive the Canberra winter and i spent many days on the couch (inside and balcony) enjoying the winter sun...upon my return i caught up with high school friends Mandy and Sue - it's been somewhat life changing as Mandy and i have become very close and now spend a lot of time together - so blessed to have 'old friends' back in my life

July: boss went away early in the month which allowed me to put into place my exit plan...got to attend a lunch with the incredible Susan Ryan and met her...she complimented me on my articulate response to a question from a fellow audience member (proud moment)...spent a fair bit of time at my 'place of worship' here in Canberra, the Aust War Memorial...coming home to Canberra has allowed me to reconnect with my defence roots and in times of trouble i seek the solace of the AWM...July also saw my first catch up with Nina...who's becoming a good friend :-) July also saw the start of me reading A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara - wow, what a book.  can't imagine there will ever be a better book, although i found the subject matter both confronting and traumatising...still, awesome book about friendship and love...pictures and mirrors went up in July - after nearly 3 months of sitting on the floor! lights also went in which meant the bubble was really starting to look like i'd had a hand in it! my beautiful original Met Opera light was installed in my bedroom...finally, it has found a home :-)  work was barely bearable, but an end was in sight!

August: highlight of the month was leaving the former workplace with a very decent 'exit package', being offered a job the next day and starting to recover from the horrible experience of the past 16 months...beautiful sunny days as winter started to come to an end! a lovely night out on 3/8 with Son, Cath and Cheryl...then a weekend with bff Kirsten here in the capital...wallpaper in my bedroom went in early this month and what a difference it made - my dream bedroom was almost complete, only a year after starting to plan/visualise it :-) i spent the month sourcing bar stools, occasional tables and a tv cabinet! a fleeting visit from dear friend Daniel (HK) was a lovely surprise during August...as well a quick trip to Melbs to visit family and go to the footy (always good)

September: celebrated Fathers' Day with the old chap here in the capital, took delivery of my new blue kettle (i know, what other colour would it be) and finally kept my promise to big sister Lol with a trip to the West for her birthday...we had a lovely few days exploring some of her favourite haunts...back just in time to celebrate Mandy's birthday and for Shelley and I to see John Edward! a quick trip to Sydney and dinner with Aranka and Sara ahead of Sara's birthday at an old Crows Nest haunt (The Crow Bar), as well as a couple of bargain book finds at the Crows Nest Community Centre monthly book fair :-) started my new 4 day a week consulting job; realised almost immediately it probably wasn't going to work out! but, the view was awesome - directly across the road from Manuka Oval!

October: my first outing to Canberra's Fash Fest to support local designers and friends Kelli and Sean (PurePod), visit from Liz and a lovely night out with her and Mandy at Kingston's newest restaurant 'Jones and Co' - which is becoming a favourite! my library was finally completed with the addition of 2 custom built shelving units to complement the original one..yay! just in time for the Melb family visit later in the month....family weekend was lovely and included many catch ups with various grandparents, too much food, some girly movies and of course a visit to the Go Kart track! the end of the month saw the arrival of Miss Scarlett W...welcome :-) and a visit from her aunty and my big sister Lol

November: Lol still in town so we inducted her into the Melb Cup ritual! had a fun day despite winning nothing! later that week went down to Bracken with R for a weekend with R&M in their newly built coast house - awesome! so nice to see it finished :-) spent the day deciding where to hang their various pictures and making them risotto....got a great piece of work whilst still at the consultants and realised how much i enjoyed facilitating - was probably the kick start i needed to launch iolite consulting! yep, i finally did it....

December: went by in a complete blur! professional photos, web content writing, reaching out to the network, meetings, a myriad administrative tasks to get a business off the ground...and by 23 December when my cousin Alison arrived from the UK, it was pretty much done! a lovely christmas in the bubble with Mum, Dad and Alison, then a lovely visit to Michelago on Boxing Day to visit Pete and Karen's new country home (awesome), then a flying visit to Melbs to see Sam et al...which involved another dinner at Movida Acqui...then back, only to pack for a 4 day country retreat in Berry with the parentals - awesome place, can't wait to go back.  surprise invitation to lunch in Geringong on 30th which saw me catching up with former Westpac colleagues....quiet NYE...oh, and i got to see Keith Urban with Shell, Mandy and Ange (my first Keith concert, but it won't be my last!) and i had my first christmas party at the bubble on 16th - was a huge success and i got to see just about everyone who has made my move home so easy - thank you :-)

i didn't make any resolutions - i typically don't but there are some things i'd like to achieve in the coming year and my dear friend Mandy gave me a 'goals journal' as a Xmas pressie so that will encourage me to document the goals...

So the year certainly had its share of challenges, but i couldn't be happier with where it's ended up! i live in a beautiful home, in a city i have fallen in love with (probably for the first time - the benefit of being older is that we appreciate things we once found boring), a city i feel at home in, connected to and proud of....i'm closer to family and old friends, sure i miss my Sydney friends but have been able to see them reasonably regularly (thank goodness for technology)...and importantly i have finally set up my own business again and chosen a name i have wanted for years...

so, all in all, pretty happy with where it ended up....and proud of myself for handling the year and everything it threw at me in the way i did...thank you to everyone who's supported me, i appreciate it more than you could know xx

here's to a fabulous, healthy, fun and fulfilling 2017....