overwhelmingly sad...

today has not been a good day...

the week has been very difficult and during the week I have decided that once my bonus is in the account I will be writing a letter to the chairman outlining the behaviour I have been subjected to in my time at work...

it saddens me that this person is a head of the company I work for and he behaves in this manner
it saddens me that my professional life is miserable because of how he chooses to treat me
it saddens me that I will have to accept that once I make a complaint, I will be the one who is forced to leave
it saddens me that in this day and age, someone of his seniority behaves in this manner
it saddens me that despite the laws, given I report to the the most senior person there, there is no protection for me

on the other hand it's probably a good thing! I've been unhappy in corporate life for years and looking for a way out

selling my Sydney home has certainly made any future decisions about my career easier as for the first time in my entire life I am cashed up, and sure, that money is offsetting my mortgage, but still, I am cashed up and that affords me some flexibility

i am angry too
very angry
angry that there seems so little protection for me and that it's all so unfair

but this is not new for me - i often find myself in situations which i perceive as unfair, and sometimes they probably are

my mum's been great...her and dad have witnessed what I've had to put up with since choosing to take this job

so has my therapist and shortly, so will a local doctor...I'm not depressed, but i am anxious about work, I'm worried about how he will treat me and how i will get through the next 15 weeks...it could be less than 15 weeks, but I'm working on the assumption it will be 15 weeks...

in reality, that's 75 work days; 22 of which he's on leave, 5 of which I'm on leave, 2 of which are public holidays...so in actual fact, we're talking about 46 days....just a little over 9 weeks

surely that can't be too hard?

I've gotten through worse - i know i have
I've got great support
i have someone who's set up a new business doing what i love and she wants me to be her partner - her only partner - she'll work with other associates, but she wants me to be her partner - and i so want to get back into that sort of work...and i didn't want to do it on my own again...

thank you universe - when i met Nikki all those years ago, we instantly connected - who knew it might turn out like this :-) feeling loved and valued...

and that's something i haven't felt in corporate life for a very long time...

ok, now the list of things i have to look forward to in those 15 weeks (i find it helps to have positive things to focus on):
 - my Dad get's home on Tuesday after 2.5 weeks in the UK following my grandma's death (will be so good to have him here)
 - wallpaper going up on Wednesday
 - catch up with Shell et al next Saturday for Em's 16th
 - pictures/mirrors going up next Saturday
 - 7 pay days, hopefully including a decent bonus
 - visit from bff KK in early August
 - boss having 22 days off work starting on 6 July
 - I'm having a week off in September
 - trip to Perth to visit my big sister
 - visit from AC (Sydney friend) (date to be organised)
 - Friday night drinks with childhood friend MK who I've just reconnected with
 - light installation on 25 July
 - painting of living room of 27 July
 - making more connections around the capital
 - catch up with my old friend DT on 28 July
 - catch up with NR on 27 July (and we'll be talking business/partnership etc.)
 - catch up with the lovely Nina on 9 July
 - meeting with David Schwartz on 11/12 July (to talk NED opps)

I'm sure there is so much more - so I'm going to do my best to focus on the many positive aspects of my life, and at work, I'm going to hold my head high and keep doing my job...

ok, couch is calling xx