so in an attempt to move into the emotionally expressive me on saturday with FC, i started tonight...he started up the texting (i love that he uses a work thing to connect...think it's kinda cute actually!) i ended it with 'looking fwd to saturday x'...
and of course i'm wondering if there will be a response, but does there need to be? sure, it would be nice if he said 'looking forward to it too'....but the lesson for me here is to feel comfortable to express myself, even if there is nothing coming back...
seems kinda simple, but i guess years of not putting myself out there, years of hiding behind my tough veneer, years of being too afraid of not being liked or approved of, yep, they've all contributed to this anxiety about putting something out there...
but really? what have i got to lose?
so, i feel better, i feel more me, there is less likelihood of me being misunderstood surely, by being myself? and i'm going to try really really hard not to read anything into a non response...i'm going to try and challenge all those beliefs (which are CLEARLY not working for me)...
you know: he obviously doesn't like me because he hasn't responded...doh! maybe he read it, smiled and it warmed his heart? of course i can't see that, but maybe it's true? maybe he's a bit taken aback because he has only seen the veneer until now? maybe he's asleep and hasn't read it...maybe he doesn't know what to say, or maybe, just maybe, none of this matters and the important thing is that in the moment when i sent it, it's what i wanted to say to him...maybe that's all it has to be?
so, i AM looking fwd to saturday!
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