Tuesday, April 10, 2012

struggling...

and yes, i'm tired....

but i am really struggling! it's very hard not to make contact with him...

but i was pleasant when i saw him at work (albeit briefly in the corridor)...i smiled and said hi, he said hi (i think) and looked sheepish....

however, we have progress! 25 hours on and i have not initiated any non work related contact...

very proud of self :-)

perhaps, this is the very reason he has appeared? so that i can kick this addiction/habit/pattern once and for all? and whilst i don't like to be so cold/clinical as to think of him as a practice run/experiment....well, maybe he is?

after all, he's the one who appeared to get cranky when i wouldn't shag him! so what do i care?

i do actually, but as someone pointed out to me today - there has to be more than chemistry...

and you know what? there isn't that much! sure i have a fascination in getting to know more about him (that's the coach/therapist in me), i am intrigued he can be so rude, he's shown an interest in me...yes, all of these are true, but these are not things about HIM that i like - they are just things!

so, i think i'm going to do a list of all the things i like (may not take long!)....and a list of the things i don't like (this list will be much easier and of course started some time ago)....

soo, the struggle has gotten easier as the day has gone on...yay me for not giving in! yay yay yay!

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