so, the consensus of the various bff's

is that he's gone into his head and that this whole thing isn't over...?

not sure i believe that, not even for a milli second...sure, i'd like to! i'd like to believe that what he said to me before 'that's convenient' was genuine, and that he does really like me and want to get to know me, but his behaviour is just not backing that up...

and that's what i'm afraid of, that he's going to walk away before it really had a chance, and that i am going to feel like a failure...

of course, i could examine 'why i feel like a failure' and more than examine it, could question it, challenge it? but that seems like a lot of effort for someone who has literally spent the last 2 days struggling with period pain (bad too as it's the first period in over 3 months), lack of response from someone i thought i had a nice 2nd date with, a review of almost every pattern i have in relationship (man, was that tiring) and doubts of the worst kind about the sort of person i am...

so hopeless seems like a strong word, but yesterday, i really did feel hopeless, meaning 'without hope'...

today, not so much! i feel much more my old self, sarah (as i know her) has made a comeback, a nice day with the bff (and the offer of dinner and a sleepover at hers, which i'm unsure yet if i'm accepting), and calls with other bff's (yes, i have a few...i'm lucky that way!) have helped...

incidentally, NONE of them think it's over! Kirst thinks he's just being a bloke, Sara, thinks he's being rude and a dickhead, but she's not sure there isn't another chapter to follow, and Leah thinks he's found out where i'm at and now that he knows, is in his head trying to work it all out...

and sure, there's the work issue - that's a BIG issue for us both

and sure, i didn't sleep with him Friday night, and that seemed to be an issue for him and sure, there's the matter of his non responsiveness which he already knows drives me crazy

what else would you read into his behaviour?

anyway, good thing is, i've regained some of my typical 'balance' and will be making no further contact towards him - the ball is well and truly in his court...so, now it's just about putting myself back together, thanking the universe for the opportunity to review ALL of my patterns in one day (exhausting, soul destroying, don't really want to have to do that again), and working out how i hold it all together at work tomorrow...

so only question remains is this: do i hope the consensus of my bff's is right? 

of course i do...i don't believe they will be right (and that's my defence mechanism stepping in). but honestly i do...