yes, yes, the
one i think i have a crush on...
and i say think,
because after today maybe i do? he let me see more of him today and i guess i
like what i saw, which is not what he usually shows...
he admitted to
having a work persona and a personal persona - i just figured he was rude and
arrogant all the time...perhaps i was wrong...
he told me he
thought i was really good at my job and could make a difference...of course the
cynical side of me wonders if he's playing me, or telling me what he thinks i
want to hear so he can get something out of it...nah, pretty sure that's not it
i have sensed
'something' between us for a while, and the old me, the me who's so afraid of
being rejected, usually says nothing, builds up a fantasy in her head, which
ultimately projects these HUGE expectations onto this other person, and then
everything goes to shit...
so today, in a
moment of complete and utter grown up ness (is that a phrase?) i ask him if
something else is going on? that i've noticed some awkwardness between us...he
responds with 'inevitable surely'...
kind of threw me
a bit...so of course he's noticed it - and that's because it's real! it's not
all in my head...but it is a problem
coz if there IS
something there, then i'm certain the right thing to do is not to coach
him...at least formally anyway...
mmm ethical
dilemma brewing!
but one thing is
for sure...after today where he made an effort, as if something had clicked? when usually it's
me...there is definitely a side to him i hadn't expected...surprising, funny,
perhaps even sweet once that veneer is pulled down...fuck! didn't see that
coming...
and now, in
order to discuss the fact that we don't seem to understand each other (of
course we don't, other than a 40 minute call in amongst all this, most of our
'conversation' was via text) he has suggested i find a free evening so we can
go and get drunk together...
dangerous,
surely, it's dangerous right? there's only one way it's gonna end....drinks,
chatter, too much to drink, one of us kisses the other and.....
shit, really? am
i ready for that? with him? with someone i work with? aarrgghh
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