the importance of being sarah...

yep, you read it right! not the importance of being earnest, although that's relevant too...

so i just watched the season finale of Being Erica season 2...man that show always touches me in some way and i invariably end up feeling nostalgic and teary - and don't get me wrong coz i love it (bit like Eli Stone...)...

funny, i often think of how much i have changed when i watch it - how much work i have to done to get where i am today, how much that change drew a wedge between ben and me and occasionally, how much i miss him...

there was so much hope at the beginning of our relationship, of course there usually is at the beginning, or why else would we get together right? but it seems that as i grew and worked hard to 'be sarah' (not that i honestly knew who that was when we got together) i kind of hoped he would grow with me and support me, but nah, wasn't to be...

guess that's life really and whilst i do occasionally miss him terribly, i also know that we were just not right for each other....true, took me months to work it out, took me even more months to get up the courage to break it off, and even more months to heal, learn and move on from it...and yet i still hold a place in my heart for him and i'm good with that....

seems kinda crazy to spend 2 years of your life with someone and then not hold them dear in some way? don't you think?

but holding someone dear is different to holding onto them or worse, letting them hold onto you...or, as the case may have been, not holding onto your own dreams or who you are because of them...

sooo oscar wilde was definitely onto something with his book - actually not just this one, but probably all of them (haven't read them all of course)..

the importance of being sarah is what gets me through when i feel so lonely i could cry myself to sleep, when i wonder if things will ever work out quite how i'd like them to be, or when i feel a bit lost....

no matter what, i will always have me....

nite xx