too tired...

to write a proper post!

got period today which explains why the last few days i have been an eating machine! of course it's not easy to keep a track of periods which seem to come and go as they please...my head is firmly in the sand about all of this and even though i probably should go see someone about it all, i really don't want to...besides, what are they gonna tell me? and it's not like i want to have a baby...so does it really matter?

my eyes are definitely starting to feel more 'normal' whatever that is, and today was much better than yesterday where i felt like i had fuck eye all day...another good nights sleep i hope and then only 1 more day until makeup and i can get re-acquainted! and it's been interesting...since i was 18 (so 24 years) i have NOT gone without makeup for this long...and don't get me wrong, other than the fact that i look a little paler and my eyes don't stand out as much, not a soul has noticed! all my good friends reckon i look no different, and it has forced me to be me and not hid...

so no glasses and no makeup has been something of a shock to me and it has been quite a nice experience actually to just be 'out there'....

speaking of 'out there', i am sooo not happy to be out there in the dating world again....i'm dabbling in the various online options (none seem to be that good to be honest - guess '42' when you are a chic ain't that appealing to a lot of men...) - and honestly, if there are old, fat, not attractive men why do they think i would be interested in them? sure they might be nice and if i met them in a bar or thru friends and we 'hit it off' that could work, but when my first impression is thru a screen and their photo is a shocker, seriously, who are they fucking kidding???

that aside, through another medium, i have a 'date' next wednesday! not a great day for it really as i will have delivered an all day team building session (although i typically feel very good after doing them coz i love it so much)....we'll see! he's 42 (what a bonus, he's actually my age)...apparently runs his own business, has 1 child from a previous marriage (unsure if he wants more) and obviously isn't put off by me being 42...

and finally, before i hit the sack (man, it's not even 9.30pm and i am well and truly ready for bed...sigh) i must mention my therapist! a coupla sessions ago she asked if i thought our therapy was working...hmmmm, i always thought it was or i wouldn't have kept going...and today i think she knows it is!

so many amazing things have happened for me in the last 10 days - so i'll list them so as not to forget and post about them later:

a) flicked Chris
b) tested out my boundaries with boss to be (with GREAT results)
c) did well in psych assessments
d) think job is mine, only time uncertain
e) enjoying a nicer relationship with my sister but am not feeling responsible for apologising for the in between
f) not enjoying a good relationship with my mum but not feeling guilty about it
g) oh and the most courageous thing: had my eyes lasered!

sooo, all in all, loads of great stuff for me...and what feels like the culmination of many many years of hard work on myself...

feel good! feel confident! feel much more certain and for the first time ever i have a voice and am not afraid to use it!

yay me!

ok, bed is calling...nite x