seeing is believing...

yep, so after much nervousness last night and this morning, at about 10am today i went under the laser! can't say it was an enjoyable experience and in fact i felt sooooo woeful for about 3 hours afterwards that i was wondering what on earth i had done...

but, i can see! without glasses for the first time in 30 years and the pain has all but gone, it's not itchy or gritty (not yet anyway, and perhaps it won't be) and other than feeling exhausted i'm good...

i have clearance to drive tomorrow but i'll wait and see how i feel and i can enjoy my first walk ever sans glasses...yay!

been an interesting day too with the big decision...turns out i did ok in the psych assessments (well, unofficially i have been told this) so of course that will mean a certain job offer in coming weeks, and for me, that means a decision

a big one too...not just a 'shall i take the job' but 'in taking the job what am i leaving behind?'...and that's why it's difficult...it'll break my heart to leave behind this little business that i love but i know there is so much to be gained from this role and everything it will offer me, not the least of which is feeling a part of something other than me and the financial security...oh, and the added bonus of not having to make sales in order to get paid!

but i'm torn...sooo a great conversation last night with a possible colleague and she suggests me talking to her hubby - he's a coach! of course as a coach you think i would have done that, but seriously, how many hairdressers do you know that have great hair?? how many mechanics have broken down cars littering their front yards? yep, so i hadn't made the move, but now i have and at 5pm Monday i'll be having a coaching session with him, and if he's anywhere near as good a coach as me, then i'll come away feeling clearer....

of course i'm exhausted so the next statement should be read with that in mind...i'm a bit sad tonight! not really sad, just tired sad and wishing that i had someone to share my life with sad...see today i was pretty brave! i never thought i would get my eyes lasered, not just because of the unlikely possibility it could go wrong and i could end up blind, but because it is going to force me to see myself differently and be that person i know myself to be...no more hiding behind my glasses, using them as a security blanket! no siree, i'm going to be out there for the world to see...

and sure that's appealing, but it's bloody daunting too...

i'd also be nice to have someone (someone intimate i mean, someone more important to me than my fabulous friends, and please don't think that my friends aren't so very very important and dear to me) to talk over this decision with...and of course it's the weekend, so it'd be nice to have someone to hang out with, drink tea with, go for a walk with, maybe see a movie with, have dinner with etc...sigh

i'm a bit over being single! good news is, i do have a plan....

and Chris was NEVER someone i thought would fit this bill, not in reality anyway, but now that he is no longer even a fantasy, i guess it has left a bit of a hole...and don't get me wrong coz i am very happy with my decision, slightly less happy with the fact that i didn't go through with what i thought i wanted to say, but that might be good - sometimes going with the flow and not over thinking it all...but as a result of me not doing that, the door has been open for us to be friends, and i'm just not sure we can be, or that i want to be, or that he is capable of that...anyway, that's for another time...i'm just lonely is all, mainly tired!

ok, so on that note, bed is calling...i'm going to rest these weary eyes and man are they tired after what they have been through today - i won't recount that experience now but suffice it to say, i do NOT want to go thru it again anytime soon...it was not pleasant!....

nite x