the point of no return...

yep, i reached that on tuesday last week and i just got to thinking about why on earth it took so long?

but then of course, in an attempt not to judge myself or be harsh on myself, i think it's best to just observe what happened, rather than think about it in terms of 'how it should have been' or 'how i could have done it better'...we are often so harsh on ourselves, which in reality, doesn't help us get through what we need to get through!

so i got there...not until he was so rude, but i did and honestly, it has been so liberating...and don't get me wrong, it's not like pushing a button in your head where you no longer think about them, or entertain what might have been, but the reality of knowing that it's never gonna happen and that he really is NOT the person you want (or thought) him to be...that actually helps ;-)

so it's been kinda good since tuesday...has freed up plenty of time for me to think about other stuff, not the least of which is the potentially big career decision that surely must be coming soon....and in typical me fashion i'm all over the shop!

some days i think yep, i'm gonna take it, other days i'm torn with just how much i'd be giving up, some days i ponder how nice it would be to earn that much money and not have to worry about where the next dollar is coming from, other times i wonder what she will expect that money to buy...

it's all a bit up in the air, but with him at least, the point of no return has been passed...probably a good job he had a bad day tuesday and chose to take it out on me...otherwise who knows where things might have ended up!