calling Dr Freud...

OMG i had the weirdest dream last night! no doubt it was as a result of me recounting to my therapist the 'ending' with Chris only yesterday...

so i guess you could say he was top of mind (but not in the way he was previously...just in a passing thought, kinda like a cloud, sort of a way)...

so i wake up this morning wondering where i am and what on earth i just saw...goes something like this:

i seem to be having tea with 2 people...the first is a girl i used to work with at the former employer and the other is his wife (of course I have no idea what his wife actually looks like, but i know it's her because her name is xxxx)

they look quite glamorous and go on to tell me that they are just back from having some photo shoot for a magazine and it cost them $1,000 each to be made up and photographed...weird! the first of these girls (i.e. not his wife) is not an attractive girl in reality and would not be seen DEAD in a photo shoot...as for his wife, well i have no idea, but the one photo i have seen of her ain't that flattering...in the dream she has very dark curly hair (i'm certain she does not have this sort of hair in reality...)...

hmmmm??

so even as this dream is unfolding i sure i am rolling my eyes wondering where it will go next...

so next, enter Chris! imagine that, him, me, his wife and some other random person i haven't thought about in 2 years...and not, i had no drugs last night, recreational or otherwise....

so in the next scene xxxx's hair has changed! it's no longer dark and curly but more blonde now (not white blonde) and in a shortish bob (stylish - actually, a nice hairstyle)...and the other girl is still there and we are in a bar with him asking me where i'd like to sit...

so i choose the sofa (i do love a sofa) and we sit down but he is avoiding eye contact with me...it's funny, my therapist said to me yesterday that he likes me to be invisible (don't tell anyone we know each other, don't talk about me to other people etc etc like there is a gag order in place, more likely, that even though he won't admit it, he's ashamed to be in contact with me?) and this is absolutely what is going on is this particular scene...so as i'm being invisible i observe his behaviour towards the wife (he doesn't seem to know the other person...which of course, if he did, would totally spin me out!)

he is demanding (no surprises there), likes to be the centre of attention and is basically telling her that she'll need to drive because he plans on getting drunk...basically i think back to what he said on the fateful night (even in the dream i find myself doing this) where he said that men love women like me but they don't marry me...guess i'm not doormat material and i should be bloody relieved about that!

and then in the next scene we are suddenly walking down the road - me and Chris up front, and his wife and this other person behind, and before you know it, his hand reaches across to touch my breast...but he's not obvious about it and still he doesn't talk to me...

then i wake up! man, what a complete spin out! calling Dr Freud...of course, i'll have a go at analysing it myself coz you know i love the dream analysis, but seriously...

so my initial reaction was simply to see it as an affirmation of my decision, that in behaving as he did (in the dream) it simply re-affirmed my feelings about him and why i had to make the decision i did, and to remind me that HE is just so not the sort of person i want to be wasting any time on...

now another little interesting observation/fact: historically when i am 'not over someone' (not that i even like that expression, but when i still have feelings for them) i tend not to dream about them, but as soon as i no longer feel any emotional attachment they turn up in my dreams....

and this is the first time he's turned up in my dream looking like him and behaving like him...previously, and i think he has only starred in one previous dream (and he did NOT look like him), it really wasn't him....

so, guess that is just another sign that i am over it, over him and over his shit...

yay for dreams!