writing...

so my 8 week writing class finished tonight and it's kind of sad that it's ending...on the other hand, i suspect a few of us will form a small writers group and so the encouragement (which is typically why i go to these things in the first place) will hopefully continue, albeit in a different form...

i have written so much in the last few days, about Chris, about me, about how I feel, about what i want etc etc, and even now as i reflect on that, i'm not sure where i stand...

so the question is this: would i knowingly allow myself to have an affair with him? with everything i know about myself and with everything i know about him...honestly, i just don't know...we talked about this yesterday, and in fact his seeing the situation from my perspective really blew me away - he had clearly thought about it from my point of view, something i hadn't really seen him do before...(that makes him even more appealing than he was before...shit!)

torn is really the only way to describe it...i am sexually really turned on by him, intellectually too, emotionally i'm not certain we are a good match (i'm way too emotional for him methinks)...but can anything really come of it? other than a massive train wreck in which either one or both of us not only gets hurt but stands to lose something?

and then there's the obvious question about whether or not this 'fantasy' i have created, is that of a 13 year old girl or whether there is ANY input from my current self...

i know the answer but don't really want to admit it...but the fact that there are times when returning home from my walk or from work, i round the corner and hope to see his car parked there...

mmmm think we know who's having that fantasy, and she ain't 13 years old...

sooo writing class is finished, i'm finished for the day (i'm exhausted) and despite all my writing i am not a whole lot clearer than i was when i started!

nite x