wheels in motion...

yep, it's true, after many many many months of contemplation, i find myself ready (well, at least i think i'm ready) for the next chapter...

you know, the one where i tell him that he can't give me what i want, so consequently, there perhaps is not a future between us...

sooo i give in yesterday and do send him a text after all, mainly because i am exhausted by it all and want it to be over - even knowing he would be at home...is that bad? but then how can it be bad for me to send him a text when he doesn't think it's bad that he's considering having an affair with me? kinda double standards that...

anyway, i send him a text, he replies with something predictable 'i'm at home text you tomorrow...please don't send me texts like that cause they will cause harm'

well, don't worry about causing me harm, which really is what i've let you do since you turned up in November....

so of course i don't actually expect to hear from him today, it being a public holiday and all, and him being with his family...but i do

around lunchtime i get 'so i have an hour what's up'....no, sorry i didn't let you know about thursday, no how are you? no, how's your weekend been? seriously, is it so hard?? apparently it is, FOR HIM...

so we go back and forth, i say i can't meet up today and don't want to talk about it via text, telling him that i'l like to see him and could he just find time when that might work...

the rush of seeing his number (his name has been deleted again) starts to take hold but then i can feel myself breathing more deeply and remembering what it is that i want now....and suddenly i don't feel so drawn into his web...

the web where he wants me to tell him so he can think about it...surely he thinks i want to see him to have sex with him and so consequently he thinks that what i want to tell him today might also be about sex...and previously i would have fallen into this trap (the 'tell me about it so i can think about it' trap)...but nope, i was on my game today and simply told him to leave it...

so the wheels are in motion...

of course there is a complication (potentially)...the drinks we were meant to have last Thursday involve a mutual friend of ours from school who's in Aus for a few months...Chris and him hooked up a coupla weeks ago on FB and now i'm 'friends' with him too...we've actually had a coupla nice chats on FB and HE has invited me to the drinks that him and Chris are having this coming Thursday....

mmm dilemma!