resist the urge to send him a text....and i'm not even sure what i would say? i miss you (although do i? really?) i want more than you are willing to give me (sure, i'll be saying that as and when i get an opportunity)...but of course, there is the feeling that he'll go to ground and radio silence between us will continue indefinitely...
and then of course i wonder if my urge to contact him is in an attempt to consider being naughty with him, or if i really want closure (can i really get closure with him by just telling him that i want more? methinks not...) on the situation
it's funny, i have said to a few friends (only a handful) that if i sleep with him a train wreck will surely follow! and you know what? they have all said: where you are now is a train wreck, and maybe they are right...it sucks...i couldn't possibly be open to meeting anybody else right now, somebody who is emotionally and actually available to have a meaningful relationship with me...and that's just bloody sad...
futile
yep, this whole bloody situation with him is futile...despite how i might want it to be, despite how he might want it to be, despite the fantasy of a 13 year old girl...it is FUTILE and i cannot see that it could be anything else...
aarrgghh
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