tea for two?

really, is that a good idea? (bear with me as this is likely to be a conversation that should probably stay in my head)...

really, was it a good idea to suggest him popping over for tea, at the end of the same conversation where he has made it clear what he wants 'i want you'...mmm not so sure

so now, there is a small chance (i say that because typically when he says he'll do something, he often doesn't) that i'll see him Monday and i think that's good...

because what i realised this morning, and i mentioned it to him, is that this so called chemistry we have between us, hasn't been road tested face to face...it has ALL happened (pretty much) via text/phone...as i pointed out to him too, other than me telling him (in a moment of either insanity or vulnerability) that i wanted him to kiss me that day at the beach, he hasn't given too much away...sure he's asked me to have an affair with him, sure he's told me he wants me, and a variety of other things that will not be included here (after all there could be children reading!)....but in person, he has given NOTHING away

sooo, it'll be interesting! haven't seen him for months, 3rd week in January to be exact which would make it 3 months, and in my case, a bit of weight as scales are showing official weight loss of at least 7kgs now...that's gonna make it a bit harder too methinks coz i am feeling very good about myself...

so i wonder how it will be? i wonder if the things we said to each other during the sexting of last month will make one or both of us tentative, shy? i wonder if him now having admitted what he wants, will mean he no longer has to pretend to hide it? and most of all i wonder for me, if i will get that same 'rush', that feeling that i get when i see his name on the phone, when he is here...and of course, i wonder what i will do....i wonder if when he steps through the door i am overcome with a desire to kiss him...or will my level headedness have made a re-appearance by then? i wonder if he will give anything away? will i be able to work out what is going on for him??

sooo many questions! of course, then there is the obvious question: what to wear? of course i don't want to appear like i've gone to any effort, but i want to look good (that's normal)...but a part of me wants to look soooo good that he won't be able to help himself...but that part of me, that bad girl within (we all have her right?), the girl that wants to be naughty with him...well, i just don't think i should be letting her make decisions for me...of course, i'll allow her to manage the wardrobe side of things, but really, letting her move beyond that is just not a good idea...

i think it might be nice to be friends with him, despite an enormous difference in what that means to each of us...but i do, i think it would be nice.  we have so much history (in one sense) and yet we still have so much to learn about each other...a 30 year break in communication will do that to a friendship! not to mention we are no longer kids...

soooo i think the only thing to do is focus on the tea...coz isn't a cup of tea ALWAYS the best thing?