perfect ending to an otherwise

ordinary day...

didn't start too well! bad nights sleep, interrupted when i kept waking up wondering if the nightmare of last night was real or not...it was...sigh

had a great meeting with a former work colleague who wants me to do some work for them (fabulous stuff), then home to grab lunch in time for Leah's visit - we had the NICEST time together...she listened to my ongoing dilemma with Chris and i listened to her realisations about family...she is becoming such a wonderful friend...don't you just love girlfriends? of course when you are as fortunate as me, it's not exactly hard to love 'em :-)

Blues got up in Sydney! first time in 18 years - last time they did Ratt's was playing (not coaching) and Gibbsy was 4 years old...woo hoo! da da da da da...Judd simply amazing and Eddie on fire...go you Blue boys, thanks for making my week end well :-)

sooo despite a horror show last night and me waking up realising that my teenage dreams were definitely in tatters...it got better...did the stuff i love, made some business development calls (does this mean i'm not taking the job?)...

and then as i'm living my life a text from Chris at 2pm...'so did you get home safely?' (gee, only about 13 hours too late....but honestly, i was pleased to see his number come up on my phone and pleased that he did in fact make contact), i did something i never do...a) waited an hour or so before responding and then b) simply wrote 'yep'...he didn't like that...next one comes back almost immediately (this is most unlike him) 'are you pissed at me?'...and again 'yep'...and now it's really getting to him! seems a Sarah that is not at his beck and call, not available or chatty is not what he's after....mmmm

so then i get 'come along now' and i finally tell him EXACTLY how i'm feeling 'i'm hurt, disappointed, my dream is in tatters and i actually don't think you care about me...'

how brave of me to do this, but honestly, i was so very angry with him

so then 'i didn't walk u to a car (doesn't he get that it's more about the fact that a) girls like to feel safe and b) i asked him to do something for me, not anything big, and he didn't?), r u over reacting? gotta run got lucy and boys can we chat monday'

in yet another first for me, with him, i simply go back with 'whatever' (wow, even as i recount it here, it feels bold and not much like the silent me to do this...liberating somehow, and one where i have not even gotten close to moving towards him or giving away my power...yay me!)...

and then, the pearler (coz he must HATE this from me): 'no not whatever that sounds dismissive...i apologise if i hurt your feelings i will make it up to u'

haven't responded! and not because i don't want to, but because i wonder if he will...a) call Monday and b) make it up to me...i actually need to see what he does from here, not move towards him so he doesn't have to make an effort...

nope, i'm gonna be strong!

sooo, on that note, i'm shattered...been a HUGE 24 hours emotionally (there is another story about last night but that can wait) and i can't wait to put my head on the pillow...

nite x