number 705...

sooo i think this one is gonna be a post about all the things i want to say to him, coz i am now pretty clear on where to from here...

i'm done with my fantasies, both historic and current, ruling my thoughts

i'm done with wondering what might happen next

i'm done with spending WAY too much time thinking about him, when i really ought to be focusing on someone else

yep, i'm done...

i'm also a bit scared that i've reached this point, but here we are...

sooo the wheels are in motion and now all i have to do is work out what i want to say...

ordinarily i might write it into a story and present it to him, but since he doesn't read the stuff i write for him...to be fair, there's only been one thing that i wrote for him (see post titled marbles, one possible vignette)...but still, he hasn't read it so i figure i'll draft it here and then 'perfect' it....

i've loved you since we were 9 years old...i probably always will, despite what happened between us and the impact that has had on me...but it's not healthy and you aren't in a position to give me what i want...you don't want to be friends, or if you do, you haven't shown me that you can be...i'm tired, tired of wondering what next, tired of second guessing myself trying to work you out...tired of attempting to be clear about your intentions....tired...so i think there is only one place to go from here....so give me a hug, kiss me, tell me you're sorry, and let me go so that i can start letting you go...