music therapy...

i'm sure years ago i heard someone say that and my cynical self would have rolled my eyes indignantly, wondering what sort of an out there hippy concept that was....

ah well, that's one good thing about growing up! we tend to become more open and of course, as life throws us the occasional curve ball (i seem to have had a lot thrown my way!), we start to experience more of what life has to offer, and consequently, become more open and accepting...or maybe that's just me :-)

so in recent times (you know since a certain someone turned up in November last year) i have really struggled some days...his arrival has made me look at a whole lot of my beliefs about myself, about relationships, about sex, about what i want etc, and it's been exhausting...

good, and productive, but exhausting...and like other times in my life where i have had a lot to face, confront, deal with etc....music (sometimes shopping! sometimes alcohol!) has been my saviour...

it seems that for every emotion, every siutation, there is a song that makes us feel better...or worse! and it's not like i go out of my way looking for the songs that seem to mirror what's going on, the universe, it seems, has a way of making sure you hear them on the radio...or in my case, sometimes friends introduce me to music based on their knowledge of what i like...

all good :-)

so, a couple of really good things to come out of Chris turning up and throwing my life up in the air have been:

• exercise (as i fantasised about my teenage dream with him, and possible, getting naked, i needed to shed some weight...the added bonus was that my daily walk, with a run thrown in, really helped as i tried to work through the anger i felt towards him
• music...seems i have stumbled across loads of great music which really makes me feel better about life, myself etc
• i've had to really confront my beliefs and you know what? some of them are no longer working for me...sure, for a time after what happened between us, they helped me keep safe (or did they?) and they stopped me being vulnerable with men...but what i have subsequently realised is that in order to have the sort of relationship i want, i need to do that...and hence, the beliefs are being reviewed one by one and some are being abandoned...

so it's not all bad his turning up...it's not! it's been nice to feel sexually attracted to someone again, to be wanted by someone (although i'm sure this feeds my old beliefs and patterns), to have some attention...but now it's time to move on...

the belief that i don't deserve anything but the sort of relationship he could offer me, is just fucking rubbish! utter fucking rubbish and it's about time i really believed that...

in typical fashion i have digressed, and i have NO idea if there is a song to mirror that, but that aside, i am just LOVING my music right now

happy easter x