yep, following a coupla days filled with the old shit creeping in, a long chat with Em, and some reflection on my recent therapy sessions, i have a strategy...
he's gotta go :-( and i don't really want it to be that way, but i can't keep on with where we are right now...
i want to meet someone, fall in love, get married...i want to build a life with someone, someone i can rely on, someone who will support me, someone who will expect me to support them, someone who wants the same things i do, someone i can go away with, spend saturday nights with, someone i can call whenever i want to call them, someone i can wake up with every day and go to sleep with every night...someone who loves me for who i am...
yep, that's what i want...and he is not in a position to give me any of that :-(
no matter how much i'd like to be, it can't be...
and then there is the unreliable and inconsiderate side of him...the waiting...the wondering....and the inevitable self doubt i then find myself confronted with...not to mention he's cheated on his wife, so how could i ever trust him?
nope, sadly, he's not what i want in my life...and having him round, fuelling my sexual attraction for him (that bit, i'm afraid is real) which in turns fuels the fantasy is just not allowing me to let him go and move towards what i really want...
sooo the strategy is formulated, now i just need to initiate a meeting (i don't want this to happen via text) and tell him that it can't go on...
it's gonna be difficult, but surely it can't be as difficult as the uncertainty, the disappointment, and the expectation that has been the last few months...
can it?
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