here i am once again....

fuck....why do i let myself get into these situations? seriously, why do i? i know, but can't really go into the detail here...

or maybe i can, it's my blog after all! my journal...

so here's the thing: after our texting fri and saturday morning, we decide to catch up for tea today...then this morning (he's predictably unreliable) i get a text saying he can't make today...i was expecting that, i was! doesn't mean i'm not disappointed, but as i said to my BF, i was disappointed and relieved concurrently, and when i told her this she said simply 'well that's coz your head and heart are in different places'...

and she's right! not to mention my libido - that's in an ENTIRELY different place altogether...

so when i realise that i won't see him, that's ok....means i don't have to consider what i'm wearing, means i don't have to worry how i will subtly cover the breakout i've experienced in the last few days....but i'm disappointed too...and then there is the follow on

of course he just can't let it go and what follows is a request for a photo (i sent him a photo of my clock and told him it was time to do some work!), and telling me get dressed and wait for him...hmmm for someone who just said he had something to do, it seemed remarkably likely that if i succumbed, he would be here...and then of course there is how that makes me feel....

i've been clear with him, i've told him i won't be pressured into anything, that i want to be friends and that i won't commit to anything...and yet

and yet, here i am once again....:-(

when will i learn?