when a text from him arrives! bloody weird...leaves me wondering if there is in fact some psychic or universal energy at play here, trying hard to keep us in touch...but with what end in mind?
not even 24 hours since i wrote the blog pondering the next chapter with him and noting my entering into the resignation stage yet again, and he makes contact...of course i initially assume that he has read the blog....he hasn't and i'm not sure why i think he has read it (perhaps hope) since he has not yet read the story i wrote for him in the lead up to the sexting, and in his words 'my life is fast, very fast and i hate it'....
so for someone who says he doesn't 'do conversation' we managed to rack up an inordinate number of text messages over a 6 hour period last night....
and me, having just about hit that resignation phase again i am left wondering if this little 'dance' with him is one that is going to continue indefinitely, or only until such time as he believes that i am NOT going to sleep with him...
sure i'd like to, i'd really like to actually, and this is absolutely not the place to go into my feelings about that...but there is this amazing, powerful and alluring chemistry between us and i find myself wondering if that is ever gonna be different....i ponder if it's power will diminish over time, as we get older, i wonder if it's allure will eventually cease to exist? i wonder if we can put it aside and actually become friends? i wonder...
so as i ask myself this question i think back to when i've had this sort of chemistry with men before, and there are too many instances to recount here, but the only other one that seems to compare to what's going on here is the sort of chemistry i had with Simon...
ah Simon! my ultimate bad boy, the boy from the other side of the tracks, at one time the love of my life...he came into my life at an interesting time and even now, despite all the crap that subsequently happened between us, the chemistry remains...and he treated me badly, he was selfish and mean, but still, the chemistry remains...and it's been 16 years1
so sadly, this review of my history with chemistry hasn't provided me with the answer i may have been looking for...seems that despite everything, the chemistry lives on...
so if that is the case, then what am i to do? ignore it (doesn't really seem possible), ignore him (not sure i want to do that), give in to it (i don't think so)...or just hope that in time, it will, diminish...doesn't seem like a great list of options really does it?
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