attention...

is the single biggest attraction about Chris I think, and it's not easy to admit that...

i like the attention and sometimes I even think I like the ensuing drama...how can that be so?

really gotta adjust some of my wiring coz that sort of thinking is just getting me into trouble

i had a moment of intense clarity a little while ago....Chris looks so much better on that pedestal I've created than when he's not on it....

mmmm yep, it's true. up there I've made him into this 'perfect man' (is there such a thing?!?!?) but down here, on earth, he really isn't

nah, long way from it in fact and so now I'm pondering whether I need to execute the plan or just move on?? my sister and i talked today about this (didn't give her all the details of the 'history') but she asked me if i was attracted to him...i told her i thought he was hot, but then inconsiderate, arrogant, unreliable which really isn't that attractive really...not when i put it like that! and then there's the obvious thing: he cheats on his wife, so in addition, to all the above, and being glib, and emotionally and physically not available, he's not trust worthy...

really, what am i thinking?

so, decision is whether to execute the plan or try and move on without having any sort of conversation with him...methinks i'm going to need closure, coz i typically do, but then, i haven't found myself in this situation before, so it's all a bit new and unfamiliar...

of course, in order to have a conversation with him i need to organize a time with him, which given his 'busy life' and unreliability and lack of consideration could prove a little bit difficult...

sooo, not sure i'm clearer

ps of course there's always a ps, especially where he is concerned.  just got off phone with one of my BF's in brisbane (best friend not boyfriend!) and she had a different take on the whole thing! thinks maybe throwing myself into the middle of the storm (well and truly) might be the only way to know how i feel after it and then will help with the 'what do i want to do now' dilemma...mmm interesting idea!