so, the same mutual friend of earlier post has just instant messaged me on FB and asked me if I have seen Chris coz he lives in Sydney you know???? i decided, rather than lying, to just ignore the question...what could I say that wouldn't piss Chris off, with his need to control who knows what and god forbid anybody (meaning his wife) might find out that he's been in contact with me....
yep, this is shaping up to be another reason...and yet i'm still disappointed...
but maybe the notion that we would be together is just that, a notion...and one that i really just need to get over
sure, it's possible, but right now, even though it appears more possible than ever before, it's just not...being together that is, and if i'm honest, i'm not sure he is what i want...sure, right now sexually it seems like he is (the chemistry between us is, frankly, a bit frightening)...and sure there's the lure of the childhood dream, but other than that, what is there?
we aren't friends (he won't be friends), i don't know what he wants in life, i don't think he's bothered to ask me what i want, he seems to be controlled by this need to over achieve, and i find that exhausting....and then there's the unreliabilty which i can't stand! mainly coz it makes me question myself (and i know that's my stuff)...but i hate it
could this be the straw that breaks the camels back, or will i find some way to justify whatever it is that is going on between us and continue to let myself be pulled along by it?
aarrgghh
ps on the positive, nice to chat to Mark and will be good to catch up with him, nice and weird!
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