how did we get here?

a question i was asking myself a number of times on sunday whilst in the midst of a sexting session with him...:-(

a question i was asking myself as he pressured me to make a decision about whether or not i would have an affair with him....seriously, how did it get there so quickly? how did things get completely and utterly out of hand and descend into that?

sadly, i know how, and i know why...because i haven't yet listened to that 13 year old girl...well, i can tell, you having made my decision ('No'), and having spent an hour with my wonderful therapist yesterday, who assured me that this was all 'typical, given ...', i now find myself in an entirely new process altogether...

the one of integration, of not letting my 42 year old self dissociate from my 13 year old self....

and even though right now the thought of saying goodbye to him for good (because surely that's the only way yes?), right now i'm just going to be...and not put any pressure on myself to 'do' anything...

when both selves have a seat at the table and can hear what the other has to say, and when between them, they have made a decision they are happy with, only then, will i 'do' something...

so even though i questioned myself many times in recent days, at least NOW i know how we got there...

Melbourne here i come!