i've lost count actually, but i'm pretty sure it's take 2...
yep, after asking him yesterday morning if he actually thought we could be friends, and he says sure, i think it just leaves me feeling that he doesn't get it...
that and his late night drunken texts and honestly, he is not behaving in the way that my friends behave towards me...
he cheats on his wife, he's been flirtatious and suggestive with me, and ultimately i think that for him, even though there may well be a tiny part of him that wanted to see me to ask for forgiveness, mainly he just wants to mess with my head...
sooo the difficult step of eliminating him from my life is probably about to begin and on some level (the level of the 13 year old girl who created a fantasy about this man to make the other stuff ok) i am sad about that and feel as though there is a 'loss' associated with doing this...
had a good chat to my supervisor about it yesterday and i was surprised to hear her say, well of course there is loss, and the therapist in me knows this, but all of this has happened to me (not therapist me, so i don't always look at it as i would a client's concerns)...doh!
soooo now i am left with wondering if my sense of loss is about saying goodbye to him, or is it really the letting go of a fantasy that i have believed and hoped for, for 30 odd years?
so take 2 is the deleting his number from my phone....
wonder how that will pan out?
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