that sinking feeling eventually passed :-) i love monday night meditation...not only is it a great way to finish my monday and leave me feeling positive, calm and refreshed for tuesday but the lessons are often very timely for me...
so monday night was about anger and negative minds and let me tell you, after the email i got monday morning, i certainly had not only a negative mind, but that awful sinking feeling...
sooo i responded! i didn't do the whole oh it's all my fault yada yada yada, which i guess is what this friend might have expected...nope, i simply apologised that she felt i wasn't supportive, told her my side of the story and moved on...
and i actually moved on...wasn't until i had therapy yesterday that i thought about it again and even then when i thought about the email i had written and what i had said, i was happy - no second guessing myself, no doubting myself...just happy!
sooooo it's a new thing! this new found voice and not feeling the need to be responsible for everybody else! and it was the theme of the day - i had a lovely morning with my friend Rach and as i was telling her a story and my response to this idiot who called me - she said simply 'why didn't you just say no?'...meaning, why did i feel the need to go into a reason/excuse - and you know what? she is absolutely right...
so yesterday was obviously a day for me learning that just because i don't take responsibility for everything and everyone, doesn't mean that my world will fall around my head - on the contrary! and i feel great in all of this - not quietened or small or not important or not good enough...
during the therapy session i realised that i hadn't had any of my 'fear' dreams in a few weeks (possibly the same few weeks that i have not had contact with Chris...but of course there is a small p.s. there too), and when i thought about these friends and their email and probably their expectations of me based on the fact that they know the 'old sarah'...in all of this, they may well not want to continue our friendship, and whilst that may be sad if it turns out that way, honestly, if they aren't ready to see it from my perspective, to step into my shoes, nor to support the changes i am making in my life, well maybe just maybe they weren't destined to be lifelong friends....
sooo as my 43rd year (aarrgghh!) unfolds, i feel, as i often do in a '7' year (i.e. a birthday divisible by 7) that this is a year of new beginnings, of positive change and of growth...
soooo like all clouds, whatever they are, they will pass....
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