tonight, and i really shouldn't be, not that i'm a big fan of 'shoulds' but really, i shouldn't!
sooo after a lot of contact with 'him' in the last few days, i was disappointed today when there was no contact, and of course having expectations of him is not a great place to be...and there are a coupla reasons for that! firstly, he's married, secondly, we haven't agreed yet on what sort of a relationship we will have in the future (meaning that i'm not even sure we will be friends) and thirdly, he is so unreliable that i would be silly to have any expectations of him...
but still, the whole day went by without a text and of course i can't text him as one never knows when it's ok to do so....meaning that he seems to have all the 'power' in this 'relationship'....and i really do not like that!
of course i'm tired, it's been a big day and quite possibly he is so stumped by what i told him yesterday that he's run off into his cave (men do this, right?) to have a think about it...
of course there is the reality of the situation - which is that he said we'd get together next week and so in his mind, the conversation, as it were, is over...
so why am i disappointed? well, i think it has a little bit to do with what i think it says about me that he hasn't made contact and this comes back to this view of self, self esteem and my 'moving towards' rather than staying with myself...
could be an interesting session in therapy this weekend!
nite x
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