yep, turns out that the last week has provided ample opportunities for me to try out my voice...and you know what? i hadn't even realised until i was with my therapist today...
so it would seem that there were 4 or 5 things where i was able to voice my opinion/thoughts/needs, without letting it become bigger than ben hur (and consequently feeling guilty for being rude or aggressive, or worse, high maintenance because i built it up to be something in my head that it really wasn't)....turns out, if you practice dealing with things as they come up, they don't really become 'things' at all...
go figure!
so had a great session with Sal, one where i reflected on the week that was, including how i dealt with Aust Day...
and i'm too tired to go into way more detail, but suffice it to say the fantasy with you know who is slowly slowly starting to die - as if by admitting out loud and then to a coupla trusted friends, it isn't such a big deal - it's no longer a secret of course, and so i don't feel as though it has to just live in my head (where it previously got WAY too much attention)....and so as the week has gone on, the pull towards this man is slowly diminishing....
of course, it has been such a big week on other fronts, that it hasn't had the attention it might previously have been allowed...and that can only be good, right? of course good in a 'it just hasn't seemed so important' rather than 'i'm going to pretend it's not a fantasy'...which is actually denial, and clearly that ain't working so well for me!
funny then to get to the end of my session today (with my therapist) and have not mentioned Chris at all...this is the first therapy session in nearly 2 months where he didn't get a look in...and THAT is surely a great sign :-)
and so as the week came to an end, and i spent a nice day with my sister and the kids Friday for her birthday, i started to feel like the new old Sarah again...happy, content with my lot and more positive than i have felt in AGES...
and so i think it's fair to say, that now that the 1 year anniversary of the breakup has passed, and knowing that there will now be no more firsts post Ben, it's as though something has lifted...my official mourning period is over methinks...
sooo from here on in it really is going to be about me and living my life...a life that will include a whole stack of things i previously didn't embark on, but no more waiting! no more living in a holding pattern waiting for someone else to make it better...no more building things up in my head until they explode and i beat myself up and then wonder what the hell is wrong with me!
nope, it's as if my New Year started on 27 Jan rather than 1 Jan, and sure i'm 26 days late, but at least I got there, and in the end, that's all that's going to count...
sooo nite x
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