unreliable...

yep, that's what some people are and i think we all know WHO i am referring to!!

so lastnight in an absolute fit of anger i couldn't hold it in anymore and i decided to ask him the question that is pretty much one of the few remaining in my head...he responds, then reminds me that i've told him i don't want to do this via text...and asks me when i'm free to catch up - we agree on today and then he cancels saying he'll call when he's done and of course he hasn't called...

so what i think is this: he thinks that his guilt will go away if i forgive him and that he is holding on to some notion that he will heal by seeing (perhaps in his mind helping...) me heal...well what he needs to know is that i am not RESPONSIBLE for helping him heal, that's his job...but i have inside information about how he's gonna handle this, which in a way is good, because it means that i will be able to distance myself from his stuff and eventually him, as i let go of the many ways it's impacted me...

i guess his not calling (unless of course it's been impossible for him to get near a phone in the last 12.5 hours) is a sign of just how unimportant my story is to him....

and maybe that's a good thing, coz spending time with him surely is NOT going to help me...sure i could maybe take some comfort from knowing just how uncomfortable he is with it all, and sure it might be nice to repeatedly hear him say he's sorry and it's his fault etc etc, but it's not really going to change much for me...