it may just be exhaustion...

but i'm feeling a bit sad tonight...

despite a great days cricket from the Aussies (go Mitch!)...and a lovely catch up with a friend and her baby, and a relaxing acupuncture session (he told me what i already knew...that i was exhausted)...i am a bit sad...

and i'm trying to 'stay with it' as my therapist would say, and in fact, what i would say to clients too, so not just her! but i don't really like being sad...

then again, it's been one of the most difficult years of my life and as i think back to this time last year, when things with Ben had already falling royally apart (despite us still being together), it just makes me sad...sad that i am about to face yet another xmas, new year and birthday on my own...and sure this time of year sometimes makes me feel morose, even though i love xmas, and am looking forward to hanging out with my family for a few days, and catching up with old friends (loads of people i love live in canberra) and then enjoying some cricket...

i'm still sad :-(

i didn't sleep well last night either, and that might be because me and 'him' were having a text conversation (well we were until he disappeared mid conversation - seems this is a theme with some men in my life...) about what i needed from him...in order that i divulge the blog details...

so imagine my surprise when i wake up before 6am to find a text message had come in from him at 1.38am asking if i wanted to talk...what the hell is he playing at? and no doubt he had been drinking (i think i need to ban people texting me when they have been drinking, coz he is not the first person to do this in recent weeks - an ex of mine did the same thing the other week after a work xmas party...)....

so of course i respond asking what he's up to, and nothing but silence...all day, nothing! so in part some of my mood tonight is due to the 'questions' that his behaviour starts me thinking about...and honestly i don't think he's playing fair...

happily married men do NOT just text friends at 1.38am in the morning asking if they want to talk...

and no, i have not given him the blog details...not sure whether i will or not, but i am erring on not...

sooo i don't have the answers to the questions that his behaviour poses in my head...i'm starting to formulate some answers, but that just leads to more questions and i don't really like what the answers i am coming up with are telling me...

sooo as the year draws to a close, and i reflect on what 2010 has been, i find myself hoping that this time next year, things look a whole lot different....

nite x