the loneliness is palpable...seems that whilst i am busy it takes a break, but the minute i seem to be on my own, it returns, with bags of dirty laundry that seems to need airing all over again...
i'm starting to feel really afraid that this sadness is never going to go away....and sure i've had times like this before (well at least i think i have) but honestly, i'm at a real loss...
i just don't seem to be able to make real headway...sure every now and again i lose myself in whatever i'm doing but all of my ghosts seem to keep coming back...and every time they come back it seems like there is one more in their midst...
i am starting to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and wondering just what i should do...am i actually depressed? and it's hard for me to say that coz i don't take mental health lightly - i've lived with someone who suffered from depression so i don't want to make light of it (i never would), but honestly, i'm starting to wonder if there is actually something wrong with me....
and you know i wonder if being on facebook has actually made it worse? seems everybody seems to have the life i wish i had (and don't get me wrong, coz there are many aspects of my life that i love) and in so many ways i feel as if life has passed me by....
41 and single is not where i want to be and no amount of putting on a brave face is gonna change that - i don't want to be here...it's hard, it's lonely, seems couples don't understand, and in a world that appears geared to the 'couple' being single just aint that much fun...
well, that's my current experience anyway...
of course everything going on could be a combination of many other external factors but honestly i am really starting to worry about myself...
seems every time i start to feel good, that nagging voice just keeps rearing her ugly head...and i wish she'd find something else to say coz 'i am not good enough' is wearing thin...
how can i
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