think i should sleep on it...

soooo bit of a continuation from a post last week - or maybe not - maybe it's just my psycho head - at times i do tend to exaggerate things and blow them out of ALL proportion - it's true, i do! ask any of my good friends or my therapists - they'll all tell you it's true!

sooo last week as an example - i'd been invited to the party of a very very very good friend and having felt sick all week, as well as in the middle of my emotional crisis, i just wasn't up to going - so didn't, but then proceeded to beat myself up and felt guilty for days - until i spoke to another friend mid week who couldn't believe i would even think that way - she said that my other friend wouldn't have even given it a 2nd thought and she was RIGHT....

must listen to the opposite of what i think sometimes - it really would be useful! sooo this might be an interesting topic to bring up with my new therapist tomorrow - yep, love my old therapist, but this is someone who does transformational work and she was recommended about a year ago and i feel ready for a new challenge in therapy - but of course, refer paragraph above, i am feeling a WEE bit guilty about not going back to my old therapist to do this work - even though i am the client and would recommend that my clients only do work with who they want...and yet i still have some nagging thoughts in my head...

seriously what is wrong with me? of course i feel a wee bit happier this week - had a lovely few days with my sister and my nephew (for his 9th birthday) and my niece...and my parents (who arrived as a surprise for the birthday boy)...went to Manly, ate way too much (consequently feel quite ill tonight...healthy living starts again tomorrow), didn't sleep anywhere near enough...and was enjoying a quiet night at home (with Offspring) when i read someone's post on facebook 'today was too nice to spend alone'...and you know what, i actually thought how insensitive it was - what if you don't have anybody to spend it with you fucking idiot is what i thought...and it's true, there are many people, including myself, who don't have that special someone and of course there are other people this person may have meant, but i read it based on what is going on for me right now, and what is going on for me right now (as i told one of my best friends lastnight, yes the very same GF one) is that i am struggling with the whole being single thing...

and by struggling i mean feeling without hope that the situation will change, that maybe just maybe there isn't someone out there for me, that maybe just maybe i am too broken to be attractive to anyone...who knows...

and when i read through what i just wrote my brain says 'don't be ridiculous, you are smart, gorgeous, caring, funny and have a lot to offer a man (the right man that is)'....but lurking deep within, in the depths of my psyche that as yet, remain unexplored and as such, hidden to me...is a little voice that says (and sadly, believes) that i am just not good enough...

wow, it's out! i said it and it's kind of a moutain sized relief to have actualy said it out loud....

soooo now to bed and to sleep on it! and the sleep on it relates to whether or not i will respond to a friend who sent me an email tonight (kind of work related, actually yes, definitely work related) which has made me question myself....

yep, definitely sleep!

nite
xxx