and no matter how much i blog about how happy i am and the other things in my life (and there are many) as i sit here and look through the blog history, i can't help but feel sad....perhaps i'm not sad now that things with him are over, but sad that it was so painful and that it hurt me so much....not entirely sure...
what i do know is that as I type this and think about him and what he may or may not do on his birthday tomorrow (he never did give a crap about birthdays) a number of tears have made their way from my eyes to the keyboard...not a waterfall, just one or two, but tears no less...
so as with all losses, there are the inevitable key dates that are likely to be difficult - the dates that when you were with that person, meant something and were celebrated...so for us those dates were 10th jan (my birthday), 2nd march (the day we first met), 9th march (our anniversary), 6th august (his birthday), and of cousre the big one 26th january (the day it all ended)....i guess each time one of those dates rolls around it's not going to be easy, especially for the first one....
sooo we are slowly moving through the dates - first it was valentines day (which in fact was not that important to either of us), then 2nd march, then 9th march....now august 6th, next will be christmas, then my birthday and then the one year point of the demise...
sooo perhaps rather than beat myself up about feeling sad i should just go with it - certainly with clients i wouldn't be encouraging them to do anything other than 'go gently' on such days....
sometimes i really should listen to the counsellor in me!
ps happy birthday benj...i know you don't care, but i hope you have a lovely day and a great year ahead...
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