so yesterday marked

six months since ben and i went our separate ways....amazing really! some days it feels like only yesterday but mostly it is beginning to feel like a long time ago....stupidly (well maybe that's a bit harsh) i found myself looking through some of our very early emails (i don't have the heart to delete them just yet - maybe never will) and of course that just made me feel sad...

but seriously, i am now at a point where i can talk about it and him without getting upset, i can see things clearly for what they are and i hold no hard feelings or grudges (other than the odd angry moment in the very early post breakup days i never really have) against or towards him, and honestly, i just want to know that he's ok and happy...

it does seem funny (or perhaps really i mean sad) though to think that you can spend nearly 2 years of your life with someone and eventually you don't even think about them on a daily basis, and i guess one day, i may never think about him at all.....can't really see that happening, but who knows what will unfold in life...

that is truly one of life's beauties - if you like the odd surprise, or don't like everything to be planned out down to every last detail!

so i guess there are many many positives about the last six months, and i'll try and relay them here:

• firstly, obviously, is that i survived, and in fact, more than that, have prospered and really feel as though i have gotten to know myself and what i want a whole lot better
• the shock and sadness of those initial weeks and months has passed and what is has been replaced with is a calmness and contentment
• the loneliness of being lonely in relationship, quickly became just a lonely period and now that too is waning
• the sun still comes up, i still manage to breathe and life really does go on...for a little while i didn't believe that was possible and i never thought i would move forward....but i have...

so the other amazing thing about grief and loss and losing someone you love is that the world still turns on it's axis, the sun still comes up and all those people around you who don't know what's happening in your life, don't treat you any differently, making you question any notion you may have had that you were special! and don't get me wrong, i think i am special, but perhaps it's more that i'm unique and really, i am no more special than the next person....not sure i totally get that yet, but it's starting to cement itself in my head!

soooo six months on, my life is pretty good - don't get me wrong, there are a few little aspects i'd like to look different, and in time, no doubt, they will...but overall i am good :-)