i was sad so much with you, making myself sick that i wasn't enough, when really, you weren't enough...
so this is what i realised today...it was a beautiful day (for winter) - sunny, about 20 degrees and warm enough to go walking without a jumper....so i did! i walked up to my local shops to pick up a few provisions (not the least of which was some fruit bread by my organic non wheat bread maker...), had a good chat to the girl in the chemist, and realised as i was walking home that i was happy...and i don't mean deliriously happy, but happy that comes from knowing you are in just the right place in your life, right now anyway...
i felt a sense of happiness and contentment (that was until Carlton got belted by Collingwood, then it dissipated!)...and i realised that a lot of the time i was sad when i was with Ben (especially towards the end) i was sad because i didn't think i was enough or that i was good enough, but seriously, he wasn't enough and he didn't give me enough...
i didn't say that for a long time and that's coz i'm a loyal sort of a girl...i loved him deeply (despite things not working out with us) and i feel in some ways that talking about him and our relationship like this is a betrayal, but actually, it's just the truth....nothing more, nothing less...
sooo it's kind of a sad in a way to think i spent so much time feeling so sad with someone i loved so much, but who just couldn't give me in return what i so freely gave to him...and on the other hand, i felt an enormous sense of freedom today...truth is, in the end i just felt trapped and responsible, and let me tell you, that is just no way to live your life...
soooo now i'm living my life! yep, my life - and it's not grand or big or probably that important, but i am working towards what i have wanted for so long and am trying, one by one, with each of my clients, to help them live happier and more fulfilling lives...and in turn, that is helping me to do the same!
nite xxx
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment