sometimes i wonder...

if i'm ever gonna feel ok about how things with ben panned out...

i just stumbled across my first email to him following our break up (coz there were lots of things we didn't say to each other on the day) and it made me feel so sad...

so i sat here and had a cry (what else is there to do really?)....and i guess i feel a bit better, but you know what? even though things weren't right and i couldn't have the sort of life/relationship i wanted with ben, i still miss him...sure i don't spend every minute of every day thinking about him anymore, and there are some days when i get a long way through the day before he even enters my head, but sometimes there are just too many reminders of him and what we had together (at some point)....

soooo i hope that the upcoming holiday will really do the trick - and i don't see it as any sort of 'cure all' but it sure will be nice to go away, spend time with people i love in places i love and just focus on me...magnolia bakery here i come! jersey garden mall here i come...magnificent mile here i come! etc etc...

i said to one of my clients yesterday that i really hate the term 'get over' someone...seriously, how is that actually possible - especially when they have meant so much to us at some point previously?

so for me, i think it's a case of how do we integrate what they were to us but move on without them, rather than 'get over them'....

sooo, i'm going to sign off now as i really need to get into this assignment - i finally got all my papers for the trip together (you know tickets, itineraries, bookings etc) so one less thing to do now....

have a good nite
xx