the rollercoaster ride i mean? the sadness? the missing ben? the wondering what might have been (actually i haven't done a lot of that...but when i have consecutive days of feeling down, i wonder what it might have been like if i hadn't ended things...well i'm pretty sure i know how it would have been, but for some reason i think my mind sometimes tricks me into remembering only the good stuff...as if some of the less good stuff, and at times, bad stuff, didn't happen...
i remember close to the end whilst in the shower, the door fell off, which made a lot of noise and despite me trying (unsuccessfully) to get it back on, ben didn't even come and see if things were ok - this was a common occurence - i basically had to look after myself, and you know what: when i'm in a relationship i want someone to look out for me - like i do for them - is that too much to ask? really, is it? well, i'm gonna answer that myself - no it's bloody well not!
soooo even though cognitively i know i've made the right decison, my heart and mind sometimes trip me up - so my question is simply this: when is that gonna end?
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