me sad...

as i said to ben in a text tonight i actually wish i felt like someone was on my side...i have done things on my own for so much of my life that occasionally i wish there was someone backing me up, someone there for me unconditionally...i can't really imagine what it would be like...guess i'd like to find out one day...

something else that really hurt my feeings today, other than the stuff from the 'previous pedestal' person, was that someone else happend to suggest to me just how much harder it must be for me now that i no longer have a partner...nice! yeah just what you want to hear when you've been 'beaten up' and 'judged' whenever you have contributed (even though the contribution was asked for)....

sooo i'm gonna go to bed sad, lonely and wondering when it will get better (when rather than if, coz i know it will get better - it always does)...and wondering if i am doing anything that is attracting this stuff? guess i could be, but universe if you are listening, then i really just want things to come into my life that will allow me to do the sort of work i want to do - namely to help people live happier and more fulfilling lives...

sooo i hope that my readers are much happier than i am tonight, and may tomorrow be a better day :-)