sometime ago i wrote

a post about what i thought were the pro's and con's of being single versus being in a relationship - by sometime ago i mean quite a while - it was actually before i met Ben, so over 2 years ago now...

i can't really remember what i concluded...but what i know right now is how much i am not enjoying being single...

there are some things that i miss and i guess part of that will be having a structured job to go to every day to get me out of the house (i did have that when i wrote the first blog)...

so what i miss is this:

• having someone to wake up to every day
• having the same person there to say goodnight to every night
• having someone to do stuff with on weekends (esp long ones) when everyone else seems to be away
• being part of someone else's family
• having someone to make tea for me
• having someone to make tea for
• having someone to talk to when i'm feeling lonely (this is a lot...)
• having someone to go for a walk with
• having someone to eat meals with
• having someone to cuddle up to in bed (actually i missed this when ben was here towards the end, but this is a list about what i miss, and i absolutely do miss that)
• having someone to talk to the footy about (especially on days like today when my team got absolutely smashed)
• having someone to go with to lunch or dinner things (although again this was something that created enormous stress when ben and i were together as he didn't like to go out and consequently would be cranky towards me in the lead up, and often when we got home)
• so many other things that i just can't write about here.....

So, there are some things that i really do miss, and even though it is nearing 10 weeks on (which i just cannot believe), i still feel really lonely...Carrie (from Sex and The City) always used to say that it takes half the time you were with someone to get over them...which is kinda scary as it means that i have exactly 275 days to go until i feel better....(and of course I didn't in fact know what this number was, i used a spreadsheet to calculate it!)...

I really hope that she is wrong, coz I don't think i want to spend another 39 weeks feeling this unhappy and lonely...and it's true that i'm not always unhappy and i have had some very good days and i am still (at least in my head) comfortable with my decision...it's my heart that is gonna take some time to catch up and to heal...

So perhaps i will focus on healing...how does one do that? Any tips?