i am still not feeling deliriously happy...in fact, some days i wonder if the memories of being with ben will ever become less real, and by less real, i hope less painful...i woke up this morning with a real sense of being on my own and a longing for ben (and not all of it, coz there was stuff i didn't like at the end, but for that part of our relationship that was very healing and very real, and yet, not very real)...
you'd think after 1/4 of a year that you might feel better, and i'd be lying if i said i didn't, but i don't feel as good as thought i would maybe - it's hard to explain! so when i'm doing stuff and when i'm with people i want to be with i no longer think about him every waking moment (as i did when it was first over) and i have enjoyed lots of moments in the last 3 months with friends and family and doing the things i love...
but i come back to the same old thing: it's just NOT the same....
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