today was kinda hard...

and i'm not really sure why! although there are some contributing factors....

caught up with 3 friends that i haven't seen since the break-up so of course there was the inevitable 'are you ok?', 'what happened?' etc - all of course with great intentions, but i guess i find sometimes i get sad when i talk about it all, and of course it's becoming more obvious to me as i move forward, that it was never going to work with ben and not because i didn't love him or care for him, and not because i didn't want it to, but because we simply did not want the same things....

i remember saying to him a while before we broke up during one of our many conversations 'do you think loving each other is enough?'...he kind of looked at me funny and even as i said it i wasn't entirely sure what i meant, but it's now becoming very clear to me...

what i meant is that when you love someone but don't want the same things and need to be loved in different ways, it's very hard to continue in a way where both people can be happy....

so i'm a bit sad today - despite having had a good day, which ended fantastically as i caught up with a new girlfriend (meaning a recently acquired one) who's in Sydney for work - we had a couple of drinks, a great and very open chat - but the reality of coming home to an empty house on my own feels very real right now - my 'aloneness' is palpable...and i don't like it!

perhaps i should have done meditation this week, perhaps it's coz i've had to resort to a sleeping tablet the last 2 nites and consequently i'm really tired, perhaps it's coz my neck is really sore (pillow problems combined with car accident the other week)....perhaps it's just part of the grieving process...anyway, what i know is that it will pass...

soo lots going on, including a lot on my mind...let's hope that tomorrow provides a different perspective!

nite x