seething is the only

word i have for what i'm feeling right now...so i get some obscure text from ben (which turns out to be an excerpt from one of my novels in progress - turns out he has some of my stuff on a usb stick)...then a few texts later he asks me if i told centrelink he'd moved...like i'd do such a thing

i'm so angry it's a good job he's not here coz i would take a swing at him...what an idiot - having spent nearly 2 years together surely he knows what sort of person i am - in no way is it my business to update centrelink with his address - not only no business of mine but not my responsibility

and instead of just coming out and asking me he skirts around it and then lobs it in - just like in our relationship - he didn't have the balls to end our relationship even when he knew it wasn't working...noooo, like everything, i had to fucking do it

what an idiot i am - how could i let my feelings for him over rule what i knew to be the truth? well i know why and he probably has no clue, but irrespective it's not something i can share here...i did however share it with my therapist on saturday and she was not surprised that in the end, it took me so long

how could i have been so stupid - to put him ahead of me all that time and not see that to him i was, well actually, i don't really know what i was to him...then he says he wants his best friend back - well i can tell you, none of my best friends would ever treat me with the sort of disregard that he showed me, and none of them would accuse me of dobbing them in to centrelink...

i think this is the final straw - a sign from the universe perhaps - i hadn't heard from him since saturday night and i was starting to feel ok about things, and now this...