very soon...

perhaps even now, there will be nothing left for ben and i to say to each other...

truth is, it's probably for the best, but it's an outcome to me that feels really final and such a shame that nearly 2 years together comes to that...

guess this is one of the things that every couple that have broken up go through - at what point does a new routine take over from the old ones? at what point do you no longer miss them? at what point do you start to forget about the stuff you did together or at least get to a point where the memory of it isn't so painful?

and for me the hardest part is thinking that we'll never talk again and that now, we don't mean anything to each other really....closure or endings have never been my strong suit and i wonder if a small part of me (and it is only small) is just clinging onto the last few things we have to say to each other as if they really mean something, when truth is they mean nothing...

honestly, the last few months of our time together wasn't that great - i knew something was up, i didn't feel special or appreciated or cherished or loved but still i worked to make it work....so really i was grieving for months before we broke up - grieving for the relationship i so desperately wanted but became more and more aware that it wouldn't happen with ben :-(

sooooo i think the time to say our goodbyes is drawing near - i think that as much as it pains me to say this and to think of the consequences, perhaps it's the only thing to do?