ben and i have had since we broke up seem to be more informative than those we had prior - do you think that's strange?
guess i am starting to become clearer about why things didn't work for us...which i guess is good, as otherwise my mind comes up with it's own version of things and it's usually not very nice for me...meaning that usually i attribute all the blame on me and start questioning myself and my self worth - not this time! that is one lesson i have learnt through all of this - that i am a wonderful, caring, kind and giving person with a huge capacity for love and a desire to be in a happy, equal, supportive, passionate relationship...
so turns out that we had very different needs in a relationship and desires for the future - easy to see why this is hard to swallow - coz at the beginning it didn't feel like that at all...i guess as time went on the gap simply widened, but our friendship (which we both valued) kept us together...
and sure i may have overlooked some things because i simply wanted to be with him - and why: well, coz i loved him and came to care for him deeply and whilst i have never believed that to be happy with the right person, there are many compromises, i do believe there are some...
i guess when all is said and done there were just too many things i wanted that weren't there - and this isn't an accusation or a blame - it's sadly, just the way it is...
the most difficult thing i am facing now is that loss of friendship and the gaping great hole that is left in my life and my heart - sure, each day gets a wee bit better but it still hurts....
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