that's kinda how i feel today - i've had a shocker - and i don't mean the sort of shocker i had earlier on, but i've been flat, felt a bit listless (no doubt the soreness in my sinuses and the headache isn't helping) and even though i made myself get out and have lunch with my friend Phill and go to a meeting, i am still sad...
also i realised today that when my computer doesn't work (or anything IT related actually) i really miss Ben - and so of course it occurs to me that it is a very big and real trigger for my feelings....
guess it's good that i have recognised that for what it is? problem is fixed methinks (managed to get something changed that's been bugging me for months...) but i guess my reaction when things aren't perfect is to turn around and say 'hey benny, can you look at this for me'....and he's not here :-( which just makes me feel sad all over again....
also something else today made me feel really sad - like i'm the only person i know who doesn't have a partner (this is actually NOT true), like i'm the only person i know who's not gonna meet anyone (don't have any evidence that's true either...bar my negative attitude today) - see got an email from someone i used to work with telling me she was pregnant - i didn't even know she'd met someone....
so sure i'm having a bad day - sure i'm taking everything way too personally and probably out of context, and sure it's likely to get better, but something i have learned in the last 4 weeks is that pretending i'm ok when i'm not, is not actually ok...
my little self pity aside some good things did happen today....i met up with a lady about a course i want to do and she was really helpful (turns out she got engaged and broke up on valentines day...i hope she'll be ok), turns out next door to my meeting with her was the recently opened new adyar bookshop - so i went in and as i was thinking i should call the tarot reader from the other day to ask her the name of the author, imagine my surprise when she is sitting right in front of me!!! the universe really does work in myterious ways....
sooo it's not all bad, i'm just sad - a quiet night in, perhaps some comfort food and i'm hoping i'll feel better tomorrow...
did i mention that i just had a pedicure and my feet look lovely!
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