right now, that finding 2 chocolate covered wheatens at the back of my fridge is a highlight...
i've had a better day today - i made myself get up before the alarm went off and started some work - emails i had to do, calls i had to make, paid some bills, did some financial planning etc
haven't done as much prep for my day tomorrow as i should have, but i'm doing the best i can and it's ok...
i am still sad and a little bit scared that i am never going to hear from ben again - which of course i respect if that's what he needs to be able to move forward - and it's just feeling so final (i already blogged about this) and i guess whilst my heart is hurting, my head knows it probably is the best thing for both of us...
but somewhere in that heart of mine, a small part of me clings to that connection - as if it in some way eases the pain of our relationship breakdown....
it doesn't and it's silly of me to think that by clinging to the odd text or email, it will make a difference to how i'm feeling...
but i guess the break up of a long term and serious relationship makes us think differently about things and in some cases, place more stock in things than we ordinarily would
reality is this: what i am going through now is certainly not ordinary, so why i'd be expecting to behave in an ordinary way is surprising in itself....
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