but the evenings are the hardest - well, the evenings and the mornings...
see sleep has a way of making me forget what has happened and so some days (not all, and not today) i wake up thinking that we haven't broken up - maybe it's shock, or maybe it's hope - not really sure...either way it is improving...
the evenings are hard too - even though for the last few months we didn't do much together in the evenings (ie he was studying/learning on the computer and i would watch tv) at least i knew he was just in the other room...
it is really hard to adjust to having nobody to talk to when you've had somebody around for over 18 months....even before we lived together we would talk every night before bed, so no wonder i am finding this time of day the hardest...
although i think actually talking on tuesday night has helped me turn a corner - mainly coz i got angry - for the first time since we'd broken up i was quite angry..
my girlfriends and my therapist all think this is good! and i guess, if i'm being honest, so do i - coz anger is certainly an easier emotion to live with than overwhelming sadness...
not that i favour being angry all of the time - on the contrary - but in the process we know as 'healing' i'm pretty sure that anger is a sure sign that the road ahead will be slightly less bumpy...not to say i'm good, or over it or even happy, but i am finding things a bit easier to focus on, i am finding things to enjoy in being by myself again, and i am sad much less than i was...
that aside, i would be kidding if i said that there were not times when i still find it really hard and have to physically stop myself from calling or texting him, just to say hi :-(
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment