whoosh.....

that's how i feel about the last 10 days - they've sort of flown on by, and not in a good way...

in many ways it's been the hardest 10 days i can remember for a long time and there has been many stressful events that on their own, might have been ok to deal with, but the combination of them all has been, to be frank, too much...

there have been many times in that time that i felt in a fog and unable to find anything to be grateful about - many lazy mornings where even after my tea in bed, i simply couldn't find a reason to get up...

and that seemed to steamroll into a really negative feeling - one where i just couldn't see through my fear and access some of the amazing positivity i have had for months: this is largely feelings around my work situation, which to be honest, i have struggled with in the last week - having NEVER been out of work, i am finding it hard to adjust to, even though i know that it is a FABULOUS oppportunity for me to pursue my dream and a decision I will look back on in years to come and probably wonder why i didn't do it earlier!...

but today is the first day in a while that i feel i might be getting some of my old self back! see i tend to just soldier on and pretend everything is ok, but really, it hasn't been, and perhaps having someone objective to talk to about things might have helped - by this i mean a therapist...

it would seem that i have found a new therapist and whilst i have not yet seen her in that capacity, it has put my mind at ease simply knowing there is someone waiting to facilitate the next phase of my journey...and of course there is a part of me that knows that to embark on that journey, in itself, will be another stressor, so i am waiting for just the right time...

anyway, i was remembering martin seligman and gratitude lastnight as i stood in the shower and cried, so i'm going to have a go at the three things i am grateful for today:

- waking up with ben (this is always something i am grateful for) and enjoying a lazy morning in bed with a cup of his fabulous tea;
- a bit of fresh air as we had a lovely walk together; and
- knowing that even though things feel kinda tough right now, they will improve, and that no matter how bad i might be feeling, there are many people out there worse off than me...

so, onwards and upwards!