2009 is almost over...

and now is probably a good time to review what's happened (and i'll try and be brief)...

jan: i had my 40th birthday - had a great night (poker at manly) with most of my closest friends and family...finalised with my boss the 'job situation' and started thinking seriously about what next, did a summer school module and realised that i needed to find a new therapist

feb: uneventful as far as i can tell although this is the time that my grandfather started to deterioriate :-( started my very last subject at ACAP, pre-season afl comp started and carlton showed some good form, i started my placement at RA which was fabulous (reminded me why i had studied counselling)

mar: my redundancy date became official, ben and i celebrated one year together, blues thumped richmond by 83 at the mcg in the season opener, i finished both my summer school assignments leaving only 2 assignments left before graduation, changed back to being a bulldogs fan in the first round of the nrl season and saw a new gastro specialist who told me i was suffering from stress and 'could i leave the job i was in'....

april: my beloved grandfather suffered a massive stroke on 3rd april and passed away on 9th april - truly one of the saddest days of my life - this wonderful man shaped much of who i am today and i miss him terribly :-( the highlight of april was leaving westpac on the same day after much unhappiness i finally felt the sort of freedom i had longed for...the rest of the month was frankly a blur, with the one light being my new therapist! she's a good one and i look forward to doing some fabulous work with her!

may: not sure what happened in may - i felt sad for a lot of reasons - i guess the grief of losing my grandfather became very real, i missed my dad (who was in the uk helping my grandmother), i had no job, no routine and felt a bit lost :-( officially left work and got my redundancy payment (never seen that much money before!) which meant a huge deposit into my mortgage and a seemingly great idea for CBA to assume it was a payment and make changes (not discussed with or approved by me) which buggered everything up! blues continued to show good form and my short lived time as a 'manly fan' felt like ancient history! and made a new friend - used to work together at WBC and met her at a girls lunch...

june: i just loved being off work as the weather started to change and i could enjoy my daily walk in the middle of the day and in the sun :-) i finished my 140 hours of placement so that i can graduate from ACAP, and i remembered my good friend Sparra, who passed away in June 2007

july: more winter walks were enjoyed, had a trip home to Canberra to see my parents, my Dad brought home my grandfather's dominoes/trophy for me (a very special present), my first paying coaching client signed up, we got a new ISP/phone number, I bought a dvd player that works with usb and someone i really want to work with emailed me to say she would like me to join them as a facilitator!!!

august: ben celebrated his birthday (we did it in style with lunch at Cafe Sydney), i finally read the Great Gatsby (and loved it), i read plenty of other good books and had my first session with my first client...

september: sadly, did not spend 'september in melbourne' but Carlton did make it to the finals, started working on my website, had business cards designed and printed (they are fabulous), my nephew turned 8 (oh my god, it makes me feel old - i remember holding him when he was just a few hours old), and i realised that i'd been off work for 5 months and really had nothing to show for it! enjoyed a fabulous lunch at cafe sydney with wendy (one of my dearest friends, who was here from the us for a month)...it was lovely to chill over a long lunch :-)

october: marked 6 months of not working and you know, it seemed like 5 minutes! lots of the things i wanted to do at the outset, were still not done (shoe cataloguing, selling stuff on ebay, general 'spring cleaning' etc)...my website went live, picked up a few more clients, the bulb in our study light blew, and whilst trying to replace it, we managed to pull the whole fixture out of the ceiling (the only reason i note this is that it is now over 2 months since then, and the light remains unfixed!!), i suffered my first ever migraine (all bad), i read 'eat pray love' and absolutely loved it, i vowed to start meditation, and i read the kite runner: without a doubt the saddest book i have ever read but one of the most beautiful, heartfelt and real...

november: a busy month! i did 2 4 day courses (one of them i still need to submit assignments to finish) but the other i passed with flying colours...made a great connection at one of the courses and all going well by end of Feb will be accredited to deliver the course! discovered a new author (richard mason) and devoured 2 of his books, discovered the library and borrowed 6 books (just love the idea that i can 'test' out an author before buying his/her work - why didn't i think of this before?), had a nice shopping day with my Mum at Birkenhead Point, bought a new (and bloody fabulously comfy) bed and started thinking about xmas....and I graduated from my counselling course...well done me!

december: a busy month marred by illness (had a sinus and chest infection), saw clients, read books, did shopping, sent some xmas cards but didn't manage to get around to everyone i would have liked to send cards to, had a great xmas eve with ben's family and a lovely few days over xmas with my M & D, watched plenty of cricket and the last thing i do before 2010 will be to make (and eat) a berry/cream pavlova with benny...

sooo how would i summarise 2009: one marred with sadness and grief, one filled with opportunities, one where i think i finally learned patience and a year where the little girl inside of me finally found her voice (i haven't blogged about this because it's too raw right now but my therapist, my outplacement consultant, and my supervisor to be have been fabulously supportive of me finding that voice and having the courage to help her be heard - so far so good!)...remembering that 'this too shall pass' is one of the truest adages ever uttered, and that good friends are to be treasured....

wishing all my friends a happy, healthy, fulfilling and memorable 2010....

love sarah
xxx

it's only been 11 days but sooo much has happened...

it's amazing how much can happen in just 11 short days...

so firstly, meeting with broker went very well and once they recieve a profile from me (I have to write this), then they will be able to 'introduce me' to their clients and get me some work...

xmas was fantastic, bar a short stint in hospital for Ben the night of the 23rd (he's fine now, thanks) - we spent Xmas Eve with his family - his Mum spoiled us rotten - we had a lovely afternoon with them, even though the Evster (our 15 month old nephew) was a bit overwhelmed - reckon he'll enjoy it more next Xmas...then we drove to Canberra - didn't see one cop on the way and got home safely just after 9pm (had an uneventful drive - reckon we've cracked it now - leave Sydney just after 6.30pm and you virtually have the road all to yourself)...had a great Xmas Day with my M & D and Lynne, Graham and Natalie (our oldest family friends, barring their son Paul)...ate, drank and played trivial pursuit, and generally had a fantastic (if not wet - nearly 50 mls of rain in Canberra on Xmas Day) day...

spent another few days in Canberra watching cricket, eating mince pies, visiting with various family friends and then came home late on 27th...again an easy and uneventful drive and very little traffic :-)

i am still wearing the earrings that Ben's mum bought me - they are just gorgeous - blue and clear crystals set in silver - could they be more perfect? and we've eaten our way thru some of the xmas goodies we got - still some to go!

will be doing quite a bit of 'training' and 'strategising' in Jan and Feb (as well as seeing clients, of course) which will see me head out to Elanora Heights, Curl Curl and Melbourne (4 days in early Feb)...the Melb trip is so that i can attend a 'train the trainer' session for a company who's coaching course i did in Nov this year - i loved it so much i asked them if they wanted a Sydney based facilitator and they said YES - very exciting! The trip to Curl Curl is only a day and is another accreditation - this time for an amazing leadership course - one that I did years ago and am really keen to help facilitate and run :-) and then Elanora Heights is a 4 hour meeting with Mandy and her MD hubbie to talk about my involvement/role in their business going forward - so much to do and soooo little time!

so perhaps this means that i should clean up the study so that i have a 'clean' workspace...it's one of those jobs i hate doing, although i always feel so much better once i've done it! perhaps i just need to bite the bullet...

ok, might do another post now - the year in review.....

au revoir xx

and i thought vacuuming was bad...

well today, after heading to the jewellers to pick up my new ring (yep, the xmas present to self) and dropping in the diamond ring so they could source and then replace the diamond that fell out after cleaning, i decided that i would clean the house - meaning, that essentially, i had given up hope of finding the diamond as ben and i spent so long looking i figured it must have either gone down the sink or found it's way into someone's xmas present...

so i'm a few minutes into vacuuming the lounge when i lift up the rug and see something sparkly - tiny but sparkly - and on further inspection, it turns out to be the missing diamond!

so, even though it needs to be re-fitted, at least i don't have to pay for the replacement diamond!

thank you universe :-)

so now i'm left wondering what the message in all of this was? funnier too is that i had a dream that i found the diamond (although i did not find it where i found it in the dream) and was really disappointed when i woke up to realise that the dream wasn't true...

that's not uncommon right now though - i seem to wake up a lot feeling disappointed that my dreams aren't real - guess that's a message in itself...probably warrants some further investigation...

one of my good friends today suggested to me that perhaps some of my 'malaise' is due to not having a routine and by routine she means the routine of a job...

mmmm gonna give that one some consideration!

nite
xx

what sort of message do you think

the universe is sending me?

see today i lost a diamond in my ring - and this is the 3rd time in 4 years that it's happened :-(

do you think it's a co-incidence that as i went to have a new ring (my xmas present to self) fitted, the jeweller said he'd clean my old ring...which he did - it looked amazing

it looked amazing that was until it is now missing a diamond - thankfully it's a ring with a stack of diamonds (more than 20) so even if i have to pay (which i'm seriously hoping i won't) to have it replaced, won't cost me as much as if i'd lost a big diamond....

but how can this happen to me? usually i look for the message in pretty much everything, believing that there is a message even if we can't see it at the time, but honestly, i just don't get this message at all...

i mean seriously, don't i have enough going on right now?

anyway, so it'll be an interesting trip back to the jewellers tomorrow - and don't get me wrong, this is a good and reputable jeweller and one i like very much...but even so it leaves me wandering what to make of it all

perhaps sleeping on it will help and if not, then pls pls pls pls universe, if you could help me find the diamond, that would be very much appreciated...and not like we didn't try - ben and i turned off all the lights and went around the entire house with his desk lamp to see if we could find it...

to no avail...

ok, going now - don't feel like it's been a good day (long story - won't be going into it here) and now this...just makes me feel a bit sad :-(

i'm slowly slowly starting...

to feel better, but man it's taking way too long for my liking...so today is day 8 since i started to feel sick (sore throat, headache etc) and now after 4 full days of antibiotics i am still very congested and still coughing like some long time smoker :-(

i'm a bit over it to be honest, and as my sister says, gotta get myself better for all the mince pie action! see my mum makes the most amazing mince pies and i am looking forward to sampling many many of them when we get to my parents late on xmas eve...my 8 year old nephew is even clued in to how good they are - so much so, last year, he asked my mum to send him 100 to melbourne - and guess what: she did! well, not 100, but at least 2 dozen...

sooo i'm trying hard to get better - i'm doing all the right things, including taking the drugs, eating healthy food, taking vitamin c, drinking plenty of fluids, resting a LOT...sooooo why aren't i better yet?

on to other more exciting matters: work is coming along nicely! i now have 8 paying clients with a possibility for 2 more in coming weeks (i'm waiting for one client to get paid work before i start charging her and another former employee is now trying to get her employer to pay for some coaching)...i'm meeting up with a broker next week (my initial phone call with her was VERY encouraging), i'm having a phone call tomorrow with a lady who runs a company that does coaching training (i did the course recently and loved it so much i want to deliver it here in Sydney), i'm getting my brochures this week so then i can leave them in strategic places, and another lady who runs an amazing management course/coaching has offered me a chance to become accredited with them....

it's funny but i think that me learning some patience has in fact helped me be successful - that sounds kinda weird right - but i think it's true - i also think (and i told my therapist this today) that patience also means i am a better person and consequently more open and receptive to things, trusting that they come when they are intended, rather than previously i may have been resentful of things that came, but not in my timeframes....interesting learning!

xmas is now only just over 15 days away - good thing is i'm almost finished with my xmas shopping, although i have been remiss this year and probably won't get xmas cards to all my aussie based friends - overseas friends of course, have been looked after - i just hope me mailing them today will mean they get there before xmas!!!

had a weird dream lastnight - was with my parents having dinner with some blokes - one who claimed he knew a guy i used to work with but when he described him, didn't sound like him at all - and in the dream, dad and i were walking down this large wide stone (big sandstone) corridor and i was telling him about a dream i had the night before about my grandfather (who died earlier this year) - in the dream within the dream i dreamt that my grandfather was happy and contented with where he was now...unnerving but also nice in some way :-) i do hope that wherever my grandfather is, whichever spot in the universe his soul is occupying, whichever bright star in the sky he is behind, i hope he is happy and watching over me...he is never far from my mind, even though he is now physically gone from us...

ok this is now becoming a novel so i'm going to go to bed and pick up a new novel - another new library book - finished the 2nd of 5 i borrowed the other week - just loving that richard mason - although 'the drowning people' was much better (in my opinion) than 'us'...next an anne tyler - it looks familiar so i'm wondering if in fact i have it on my bookshelf - buried 2 deep so it can't be seen!

nite
xx

i'm sick....

and not only that, i'm sick of being sick!

not like i'm seriously ill (thankfully) but since wednesday morning i have felt like crap and it doesn't look like it's going to leave anytime soon - it is now getting to the point where it hurts to breathe...methinks that it might actually warrant seeing a doctor....groan...

what else do i have to report? well not a great deal - although i think that last week may have seen 3 potential new clients come my way (one confirmed, two to be confirmed), confirmation of 'interest' by a melb based company i really want to do some work with, another syd based company (whom i love) have agreed to put me on their 'coaching and counselling referral panel', and i still haven't even made the call to the 2 brokers whom another contact uses and gets a LOT of work from...

so the business side of things is progressing nicely!

ok it's off to bed for me - i have another big day of cricket watching tomorrow - as well as needing to put clean sheets (don't you love the feel and smell of freshly washed sheets?) on the bed and do the food shopping - big day i hear you saying!!!

nite
xx

i graduated today...

yep! and it's not the first time i've graduated from a tertiary course - actually it's the 3rd time but this one feels the most special and by far the one that over the long term, the qualification i will use in my life's work...

pretty chuffed with myself! this time a year ago, before i decided to position myself for retrenchment, that i would have graduated from my Grad Dip Counselling, have gained MBTI accreditation, be doing a coaching course, and running my own coaching/counselling business?

it's hard to believe some days and the other week on the train i actually had to pinch myself as it occurred to me that i am now, after much hard work and perseverance, living my dream...

no small feat i can tell you, but absolutely worth of all the crap along the way...and much as i would like to go into the crap, i want this to be a positive post, so i'll leave it where it belongs - in the past...

so congratulations to me! i am a star!

it's amazing how things can change in the course of a day: this morning as i was preparing for my first 'observation' of a fantastic programme that soon i will be facilitating, i was wondering where future business in the way of coaching clients might come from...turns out the person i had lunch with (used to work for me) wants me to coach her - another grad whom i mentored for a while at my previous work wants me to provide her with some training (her work - my old work will pay) and one of the participants in the programme i was at this morning asked me for my card...

sooo it's coming together and this is before i've done any serious advertising or talking to brokers - all of which is going to be organised prior to Xmas!

ok, going to bed now - despite the good stuff, it has been a very emotionally taxing day (and i'm not going to write about that here...)

nite xx

now you know that i love a good book...

well i just finished reading one of my 'library' books - the drowning people by richard mason and it was fantastic! i cannot believe this amazing book was written by a 21 year old and that it was his first novel - amazing...sublime...couldn't put it down! and not that some aspects of the book weren't expected, but still it was beautifully written and a delight to read...

so now i'm onto another of his books - let's hope it lives up to expectations!

things are just never as bad as i think they

are going to be...it would serve me well to remember that on occasion!

see in many ways i was dreading this week - i enrolled (sometime ago) in an MBTI Accreditation course as the work i will be doing next year with a particular company requires me to be certified - and whilst that was the driving force behind me doing it, i also have a personal and professional interest in it...what i'm saying was, i may have done it anyway, the need just simply gave me a push!

sooo the pre-reading and workshop materials arrived some time ago - perhaps a month and until friday (ie 3 days before it was to start) i hadn't even opened it so as the days went by i became more and more trepidatious about opening it...when i finally did it said that it would take somewhere between 10 and 20 hours to get thru - aarrgghh...

so i spent a lot of friday and saturday going through it - reading every reference possible and doing all the self-assessment tests (which i did ok on) but i still arrived monday morning feeling a little nervous...

turns out my anxiety was completely unfounded and i passed each 'end of day quiz' with flying colours getting 69/70 overall for the course!

not only that it was fantastic - i learned a stack - about myself, about others, about leadership, about teams, about the impact of environment on our personality type development etc etc...

sooo i'm a convert! can't wait to be able to use it and perhaps this is a very good and concrete example of why i should not get myself into a tizz...

wonder if i'll remember that next time i am in a similar situation???

i discovered the joy of libraries...

yeah yeah i know, can't believe it took me so long but last week when i was at my meditation class, which is held at nth sydney library, i decided to join and came home with not just 1 but 5 books! yep you read it correctly...

turns out that i can borrow up to something like 30 items at one time - can you believe this? my god, i'm sure when i was a child it was 1 or 2 things...just shows how old i am!

anyway, i borrowed 5 and am starting on the first one tonight...i can't believe that it's taken me so long to embrace the idea of a library, but of course, those of you that know me well, will know how much i LOVE books, and as such, find it hard to resist buying them...

but i'm gonna use this library thing in an interesting way - so it's not likely to curb my book buying overall, but it might reduce expenditure on authors i don't like...and how will i know i don't like them? well i'll borrow 'new authors' from the library before i invest in them for my own shelves?

what do you think? good idea?

anyway, i'm starting on a new author tonight so i'll let you know how it pans out

nite :-)

i feel robbed...

that is how i started to describe it to ben this afternoon...see i woke up feeling really really sad and despite having a good day, felt tired and sad when i got home so had a bit of a lie down, which turned into a bit of a cry...

see about this time last year my doctor told me that she was pretty sure i was entering into 'early perimenopause'...which at the time i seemed not too phased about - don't get me wrong: i wasn't happy and of course it raised some questions/fears that i have had to confront, but i wasn't devastated...and truth be told, i'm still not devastated but i'm feeling a little jipped, hence the title 'i feel robbed'...

so now, a year on, i actually really do feel robbed! i feel as though a good 10 years or more has been taken from me and i'm not handling it too well :-(

it'll pass no doubt, as all things eventually do, but i'm trying to just 'be' with stuff rather than deny it, so this is my attempt at being authentic about this issue!

nitey nite
xx

i'm exhausted after my course...

but i get to go to sleep in our new bed tonight...it's soooooooooo comfy!

will be interesting to see if i sleep better and wake up with less of a sore neck! also i'm contemplating a massage tomorrow - there's a great little thai massage place just up the road from us and i could really use some loosening up in my neck...

course was fantastic, bar one complete and utter idiot who has the self awareness of a gnat! otherwise learned heaps, met some cool people and might have generated a business opportunity or two!

ok, bed for me...nitey nite!

started a new course today....

and so far, so good...i'm doing a cert iv in workplace & business coaching to give my cv a much needed boost in the coaching qualification space! my experience is backed up by the testimonials, but i think that having a qualification will give me kudos with bigger potential clients...

other than one annoying person in this course, it was good - interesting mix of people, great educator and interesting materials, combined with opportunity to practice...

got my intern membership of CAPA today - bit of a milestone and i'm pretty chuffed!

otherwise not too much to report - am loving the work i'm doing - want there to be more of it - trying to get some structure around business development and how i go about it....

ok, bed is calling...

nite

go yankees...

woo hoo! the yankees won their 27th MLB world series today - how cool! didn't get to see it though as i thought (due to the foxtel guide!) that it was on tomorrow...never mind! important thing is they won and their 2 newest fans (that would be Ben and I) are very chuffed....

yankees online shop here we come!

the yankees...

oh dear, i need to come clean! i am now addicted with the yankees...this won't surprise too many of my good friends who already know me to be something of a sports freak! but a couple of days ago ben and i could find nothing on tv and came across a MLB (major league baseball) game on Foxtel....sooo because it was the yankees and i have worn their cap for years (of course i can hear you saying, they wear blue!), i figured i should support them...

so today i find myself rushing in just after 2pm when i'd finished my errands, turn the tv on and am stressed out when i see that it's 4 all in the bottom of the 8th (yep, i now actually know what this means) - so in an amazing 9th innings the yankees, courtesy of johnny damon and alex rodriguez (a-rod) get the yankees to a 7-4 lead and a 3-1 lead in the 7 game series - so game 5 is on tuesday night US time and if they win, they win the pennant!

it's bizarre - baseball is never a game i've really shown any interest in, mainly coz i didn't understand it and i thought it took too long (and this from a test match cricket lover!) but now i actually understand it - of course i don't understand all of the american commentary (who would?) but i understand the structure of the game and think that i now even have a favourite player!

yep, johnny damon is i think my fave as of today...

the question is this: do i really need yet another sport to follow???

they say you should invest

in a new bed every 10 years or so, but i think we are ready for a new one right now, and today after about an hour lying on a LOT of beds (having armed myself with some research prior to the testing) in 3 different stores, i think i have found the one i like the most...

sooo tomorrow i'll take benny there so he can lie on it too, coz me liking it won't be enough - we both have to like it - but the one i've found is AMAZING...

it's latex with a gel substance on the top - no more spring stuff - and honestly it feels like a cushion for the whole body - i have always favoured 'firm' mattresses, coz that's what my parents had (both of them having had back problems for years), but they now say that there is such a thing (go figure) as a 'too firm' mattress, one where you can actually become uncomfortable from lying on it as it's like lying on concrete...

soooo, tomorrow is the test drive! the one i like is significantly cheaper than the prices i was quoted at one of my favourite retailers! and if we sign up tomorrow it'll be $500 cheaper than usual and it can be delivered within 10 days...

so, i'm considering the outlay of funds as an investment! an investment in my mental health, and an investment into our health coz let's face it if you can't be comfy when you're sleeping, what hope have you got of having a refreshing nights sleep?

it's all coming together...

and my website, after many many many days of preparation is now live! i can't reveal it here as this is my personal blog and the website is my business site - and whilst i'm proud of both, this is much more a personal outlet for me and as such, perhaps not ideally stumbled upon by my clients!

sooo it's been a good week...started my first leadership coaching gig with a client (it was good), have 2 more potential clients lined up (am meeting one on Monday am and the second I've given a proposal to and i'm waiting to hear back), my 1st client has re-signed for more sessions and my non paying client is about to get a job so she will convert to paying...so the business side of things is starting to ramp up and i'm really pleased...

my challenge is to continue to make connections and find new sources of work - but right now, word of mouth is working a treat...

so to all of you who have supported me in this venture and recommended clients, thank you :-) it means a lot to me to have your support!

have i mentioned that

i love what i do?

i met up with one of my coaching clients today and we had a GREAT session - not only did i enjoy it, but he subsequently sent me a text saying how 'valuable' he had found it - i love it when a client feels strongly enough about my work to comment on it :-)

during our session he also commented what a great job i had - and you know what, he's absolutely right and it's not like i didn't already know this or appreciate it (coz i appreciate it big time) but it was interesting to hear someone else's take on it...

there are of course many positives to running a business that is made up of the things you love doing, being your own boss, managing your own time, working with people you want to work with, not working when you don't want to etc etc

of course like everything it comes with it's own set of challenges - but i have to say, that they are all worth it - even though there are times when running your own show can be lonely and you have to do things (such as business development) that aren't your core competency - overall i would highly recommend it...

the best thing for me is that finally i am living my dream and helping people lead happier lives - and you know what, in doing that, and giving my energy to them, i am happier! go figure...

just the tonic...

so will you know if you've been reading my posts of late that i've had an 'up and down' sort of a time - to be honest, the last 2 weeks has actually been mostly up, so it was a bit surprising that i felt sort of down and sad lastnight as i went to bed, with no real apparent reason why...

follow that up with a nightmare filled sleep, then by an early wake up call from the neighbourhood birds which meant i couldn't get back to sleep, meaning i tossed and turned for 2 hours until the alarm finally went off, and i woke up feeling not myself...

so not really wanting to get out of bed, i dragged myself out, into the shower and over the bridge (where there was a massive accident) to my best friends house to do her tax...

doesn't sound ideal for someone in my state of mind right? wrong!

we had the LOVELIEST time together - she had the kettle boiled by the time i got there - so we had tea, chatting, did the tax, more tea, more chatting and generally had the nicest 3 hours i have had in a long time :-)

thanks kirst - coming over, spending time with you and connor on your deck in the sun, drinking tea was just the tonic!

there are no less than 13 candles...

in our study this evening, and this is no romantic gesture that either one of us has made towards the other!

no, the bloody light bulb blew this morning and despite our best efforts to change it - the light fixture is a nightmare and according to ben, the most ridiculously designed fixture on the planet - it is now hanging for dear life from the ceiling by only an electrical cable...

can't be safe right? but he won't let me try and fix it as he says it is live electrical wire and too dangerous...

sooo methinks before i ring an electrician to fix it, i'll be looking for a new (similarly sized) fitting that can be put in it's place, coz for the entire 51/2 years i've lived here, i have hated the light fittings!

good excuse for shopping??

sooo that is the reason for our candle lit study - which i have to say, not only looks nice but smells fantastic!

migraines...

i'm so over this blog at times - i write a good post, and as i'm making changes to the colour and font, the whole thing decides to lose itself...frankly, its a fucking nightmare!

so now i'm in no mood to write it again - what i will say is this:

lastnight i had a migraine - not a really bad headache, but a migraine, where the pain was so bad that if i had died i wouldn't have cared...all those other times i thought i had a migraine, i am sure now that i didn't...

the pain was excruciating and unrelenting, the nausea came in waves every time i moved or even thought about moving, and light was just out of the question, and even my usually comfy and soft pillow felt like concrete...the only escape was sleep

so to all those migraine sufferers out there, you have my sympathy - i had NO idea it was that bad

eat pray love

i'm soooooooooooo annoyed, i just wrote the most amazing post and it's gone - into the ether! anyway i'll try and re-create it!

eat pray love is what i'm reading now - a welcome relief following the trauma that reading the kite runner was for me - admittedly the kite runner will go into my top ten favourite books - it was beautiful and heartfelt and real and so much about the human condition that it will never leave me - hopefully the sadness of it will!

so in late 2006 my wonderful coach kathleen gave me 'eat pray love' which has sat on the shelf (like many other books do -this one was not singled out in that regard) ever since - i felt that after the kite runner i needed something much lighter and a friend had only last week suggested eat pray love

so i'm now almost 2/3rds through it and it's fabulous - it's funny, real and poignant - one woman's journey - and i'm LOVING it! and whilst i won't be rushing off to india or an ashram anytime soon. can you see me getting up at 3am more than once to sing/pray?? methinks not!!! it has renewed my interest in learning to meditate - for years i have listened to others talk about the benefits of meditation and i think i might just be ready!

see one of my big issues, and one i constantly tell my therapist i'd like to change, is the noise in my head - i wish there was a button that i could simply push to turn it off or some way of achieving the 'quiet' that i know must be there somewhere, but no matter what, the noise remains - so perhaps meditation might actually help me get there - ironically the very thing that has put me off meditation is the fact that i don't think i'll be good at it! but as i tell almost every single person that i work with in a coaching capacity, learning as an adult isn't like learning as a child - it's harder to make change when you're older - not to mention the fear of looking like an idiot is now very much a real fear, whereas when you were 5 and learning to ride a bike, nobody, including you gave a toss about how you looked if you fell off a bike...

so i am going to go into this with an open mind and some kindness towards myself and a reminder that i will be LEARNING - i don't expect to become a zen master after only 1 class!!

so i'm looking into that - have in fact found a 1 hour once a week drop in class in north sydney - i mike this - not much commitment which means i won't have to withdraw if my business suddenly takes off - and therein lies another issue i have - not wanting to disappoint people - what is with that? surely the only person that would be disappointed if i withdrew for good reason would be me...mmm might have to think about that one...

sooo meditation is coming, i've made contact about volunteer work, i've followed up some work leads, am seeing more friends whilst the work isn't busy and i must finish my website content - i've imposed a deadline of sunday on myself in an attempt to have the entire thing finished, reviewed and live by end of october...

soooo even if you aren't religious (i'm not, not in a traditional organised sense anyway) this is a fantastic read....

the ride, i hope, is coming to an end...

and this sounds kinda weird right, coz most people might associate the term 'ride' with 'fun'! but the ride that i am referring to is the rollercoaster i've felt i've been on and unable to get off for the past 3 or 4 weeks...

haven't had much fun to be honest, a lot of soul searching and navel gazing that frankly left me feeling sad and a wee bit helpless!

so i've spurred myself into action - something that ALWAYS seems to work for me! i'm gonna try to do more - turns out as lazy as i think i am, i am in fact BORED - yep, you read it right - i'm bored! so here's what i'm gonna do:

- finish the website so it can go live
- consider doing some volunteer work to fill in the time until i am busy with my business
- do some more study (this was on the cards anyway) and Nov will be a busy month
- get out a bit more and do the things i love
- spend less time doing nothing
- try not to analyze everything: difficult when you are a trained analyst (in 2 ways!)
- exercise
- read more, but perhaps not sad books like the kite runner
- find a writing course that fits in so i can get back into my writing
- investigate playing tennis again - i miss my tennis :-(

ok, now that i've gotten all that written down hopefully it will serve as a reminder when the rollercoaster ride is beckoning me to get on!

feeling much better....

the kite runner

is absolutely by far the saddest book i have ever read...Ben said when i'd finished crying lastnight that a) it was only a story and b) that it must have been good if it made me cry (meaning real)...

oh man - it was traumatic and even now, a day on from finishing it, i still tear up when i think about what some people have to overcome in their lives...

guess it didn't help that in the middle of all of that there has been a lot of confronting 'past demons'....

so it's been a tough and sad few days and i hope now that we are able to go onwards and upwards (as the saying goes)...

so thank you khaled hosseini for an amazing read - sad yes, heartfelt yes, real yes, and now at least i understand more about what the afghan people went through...Ben reminded me again yesterday just how lucky we are to live in Australia, and he is right, absolutely definitely right!

just got myself a sort of present...

see foxtel emailed me with an update the other day saying from 1st october their package structures were changing - again methinks, as this seems to happen so often now, not that i'm complaining though, as every time they make a change it does seem to get cheaper - relatively speaking!

so i decided to upgrade my package and i now have one of the two movie packages in our package - not like i watch a whole heap, but it does provide a few more options and some great series that aren't on free to air...and all for an extra $12 a month

a bit self indulgent perhaps?

oh well!

some books are simply heart wrenching...

you know i'm a bit of a book addict and i'm reading a lot right now - function of not having much work at the present time and enjoying my reading, after many months of not having either the time or the inclination...

so right now i'm reading 'the kite runner' - and whilst i figured it would be sad, i had NO idea what was coming and i went to bed lastnight crying - it's just so sad, in a way that makes you question everything about what it is to be a friend...

i had no idea i would find it so moving - and i'm wondering why it has taken me so long to take it off the shelf...

and now i find myself compelled to get to the end, in the hope that redemption truly becomes an option for this poor kid...

i love books that are so moving, and i hate hearing about people treating others in such an inhumane way :-( why are some people so cruel??

i'm probably never gonna get an answer to that that i'm happy with, no matter how hard i try or how much time i put into it...

the indifference of some to the suffering of others saddens me...

OMG, my business cards are

gonna be ready tomorrow...

and i know to some of you that will not be remotely exciting and of course it won't be the first time i've had a business card, but it will be the first time i've had a business card for my business!

woo hoo - i'm pretty excited....website is not far behind and then it will seem very real! not that it isn't now, as i have 2 amazing clients - it is such a thrill to be working with people in this way and getting paid for it...and i have some fabulous opportunities in the pipeline which is going to make for a fantastic and varied working life!

some days i have to pinch myself!

and all because i was patient and didn't jump into the first job that might have come along! guess i have never been one for showing patience before now, and it's true, that in some areas of my life i still don't, but i think it has been (at least in the working sense) a lesson well learned, and a time i will look back on and be really thankful for!

enough said (to borrow mitch's phrase!)

nite
xx

i'm getting better...

at a couple of things - i'm not saying it's easy but i am getting better...

lots of soul searching, a desire to change some things that for 40 years have held me back, a supportive therapist and a real committment to moving forward, and i'm seeing some results

i won't say things are perfect, they never are, but they are better, a whole lot better!!!

on a more positive note, a lot of great opportunities are starting to come my way and some are much closer than others to being converted into great work! my 2nd personal coaching client signed up this week, i have a big opportunity to do some corporate consulting work thru an old friend (he's meeting up with the client tomorrow and doing our 'pitch'), a fabulous opportunity to work with an amazing lady who i met just over 2.5 yrs ago is now very real and we are at the stage of discussing logistics, and a variety of other 'pipeline' opportunities for me to follow up....

so, all good really!

ok, bed is calling and it's gonna be a big week...not the least of which because as friday night draws near my stress levels will be high as i anticipate a tough game of footy between my bullies and the hot to trot parramatta for a place in the GF...

nite
xx

networking...

i used to think that 'networking' just wasn't my cup of tea...how wrong i was!

see since i've worked out what i want to do when i grow up, i have been networking like mad - and you know what? it doesn't feel like a chore - i'm not talking to people about stuff i'm not remotely interested in, and it's actually kinda fun to be hanging out with people who share my passions and my visions...

see when i was in finance, i NEVER did networking - i never went to work drinks, i never went to functions for networking, i had NO desire to meet up with a bunch of accountants (no offense to you - since i share your qualification i feel i can say that without fear of being shot down in flames) and talk about balance sheets or capitalisation or ratios...yuk!

so, the trick to networking is this:

• you gotta want to do it;
• you gotta have a vested interest in it (not meaning that you use people, but that you are genuine and authentic in networking with them, rather than having an 'end' in mind)
• you share some values and passions and talk about them
• you have to be willing to give something back (it's not just all about you)

soooo today i did some networking and it was great - i met up with this amazing guy who i really enjoyed talking to and even though i'd approached him about a possible role in his organisation (albeit paying WAY less than i am interested in working for) which ultimately we decided wasn't right for me, he was happy to give me 90 minutes of his day and by the end we'd come up with a possibility of how we might be able to work together - on my financial terms!

amazing!

so, this post is really a thank you! thank you to everyone who's helping me as i put my business together, thank you to all those people who believe in me (especially me) and thank you universe for helping me 'see' all these fantastic opportunities that keep coming my way

xx

life is so precious....

and on a daily basis it's very easy to let silly little things make us think otherwise, and get all 'down' about nothing...

not to say that certain things really are something, but mostly, they are nothing...

see i spoke to my big sister tonight and she was telling me a sad story about a friend of hers, who not only lost his wife this week but also they lost their 3rd baby too...we spent a fair bit of our conversation talking about how he must be feeling...

so you see, life really is precious, and sometimes it will feel like things aren't going our way, but the fact that we are still here and healthy and that those we love are also still here, is something we need to remember to be grateful for not just every day, but every minute that we have with them...

so my big sister - i'm thinking of you and hoping that your friend has plenty of love and support through this most difficult of times, and i'm thinking of you too and thinking how nice it is to have you in my life, even if you are a 4 hour plane ride away!!!

so it's not just me who thinks i'm not writing

enough!!!

turns out one of my best friends, who occasionally looks at the blog (mainly to see what's happening in my life if we are too busy to catch up) told me tonight that he didn't think i wrote as often as i used to...

you know what: he's right! and the funny thing is that for the last 5 months i haven't had a job so one might ask 'what the f#$% have i been doing'?

and well you might ask! for one i had to get over nearly 20 years of the corporate treadmill - that took some doing...then, even though i desperately wanted to leave and would probably have done so myself (ie without retrenchment) in december this year, i found it really hard to adjust to - not earning any money, not having a 'title', not having a place to go every day and frankly missing some of the nice people i used to work with...

added to that my grandfather passed away and what ensued was to put it mildly, a bit of a depression...i felt lost and stuck and frankly pretty miserable - not really feeling that i had any direction whilst left me feeling without motivation...

in the middle of all that i had to deal with not getting a job - see when i left 'said employer' i had a plan and when it became apparent (some 8 or so weeks into my 'leisure time') i didn't really know how to deal with it, and between you and me, i didn't have a plan b...

so after a little while, maybe 8 or 10 weeks, of feeling sorry for myself and not making any headway, i finally perked up...

and now i am in the throes of setting up my own business! to date i am nearly finished with business card design, website is a work in progress, i have one paying client who i'm loving working with, he obviously likes working with me coz he's referred me someone who i hope will become my second paying client...i have a couple of leads to do some corporate work - i've picked up an 'associate coach' role with an organisation, and i have been approached by a lady who runs her own leadership development practice to go and work with her...

so, it's been a great five months really - i've had a fantastic break, i've learned (on the whole) how to be patient and stick to my dream - see even though i didn't have a plan b or c, i did have a vision - and it's now coming together - i've enjoyed a winter for virtually the first time in my life - i've tried hard to learn a lesson i probably should have learned years ago, and i'm feeling really positive about my future...

so, that's what i've been doing and in the moments of soul searching, blogging just didn't feel right, and in my creative moments (when they came) blogging also wasn't right and frankly, there didn't seem to be much of a middle ground between despair and creative for a while...

sooo next time you read dear friend, hopefully this will explain why you haven't had much to read lately!

nite
xx

i really am a good writer...

and i should really do more of it! i have just had reason to re-read some of my very early posts and they are good! maybe i should just sign up for that 2 hour a week writing course at the wea in oct/nov and get back into it...

things are really falling into place - i had a bad start to the day (you know this already is you regularly read my blog) but it's gotten a lot better as the day has gone on!!

so, i'm going to close with some gratitude as it's something i used to practice more regularly and it really does help!

sooo three things i'm grateful for today are:

• i am really in the middle of a massive universal lesson, one i probably should have learned by now, but for whatever reason i haven't and i'm grateful that rather than shying away from trying to work through it, i am being courageous and working through it;
• i am grateful for all the amazing opportunities that are coming my way right now - who would have thought that leaving a high paying job and pursuing your dream (and of course telling people about it) would open up so many avenues and leave so many people wanting to help you succeed;
• and i'm grateful that even though it's been tough letting go of that 'corporate veneer' (you know the one i wanted to ditch for years...some sort of irony there) it's absolutely worth it...

of course i digress, this was supposed to be about writing! what i wanted to say was that not only do i need to write some more, but i need to blog some more too and about things that matter - the best posts are ones where my heart is really in it and i feel really passionate about it - not the stupid little ones that just fill the page...note to self perhaps??

thank you universe, and thank you too if you are one of the many people who are trying to help me succeed - i do appreciate it xox

having a mean reds sort of a day...

which to those of you who have never watched breakfast at tiffany's probably won't mean a thing...

see i've been battling with something for a while and despite my asking over and over, it's just not changing and i'm now sad about it and worried what it means for the longer term...

and it's difficult enough that i find it hard to ask for things, but then when i feel unheard and nothing really changes, it makes me feel worse...

so it's kind of a cycle and i don't know why today i'm choosing to write about it but i guess it's just no longer easy for me to manage my emotions without getting really sad about it...

anyway, this post is cryptic and hasn't really made me feel any better, so i'm gonna end it here!

lost opportunities...

is the only way i can describe what carlton let happen lastnight - i am gutted :-(

to think at some early stage of the 4th quarter we lead by 29 points, to see it unravel was simply awful..

don't get me wrong, the lions played well, they clearly wanted to win and they have had more finals experience than a very young blues team..

but let's not get all maudlin! the blue baggers are definitely back in town and even though they have bowed out of september early, they have played well this year - they have fought hard and they have showed promise - there have been moments of promise and they have a young talented team who will continue to improve...

devastating yes, lost opportunity definitely, but no hopers, most definitely not!

as my dad pointed out to me this morning (and he too is gutted) at the start of the season to even have thought we might make it to the finals would have been more than we could have hoped - so really, not the worst outcome!

go blue baggers! they still know we are coming, just not in 2009...

the great gatsby...

can you believe it took me until i was 40 to read this book? well it did, but you know what, might have been worth it - coz i LOVED it - reckon it only took me just over a day to read and it was nothing like i thought it would be!

great book, great characterization and a good look into the post WWI in america...

might have to look for some more f s fitzgerald classics!

that's about it - having a quiet week - largely due to the lurgy i got last sunday night - have been sick ever since - fever, head cold, hideous rasping cough which won't let me get much sleep...hoping it will pass soon as I have a big week of 'job opportunities' to follow up this week and i don't exactly want to be coughing all over the people i want to ask to pay me!

on another note, the blues are into the finals for the first time since 2001 - not exactly in emphatic style given their flogging at the hands of those feral crows today, but none the less, they are in a finals series and i am happy!

go blues!

this morning i finished

the most amazing book - read it in under 2 days - mind i am 'without work' and i have been sick...

the reluctant fundamentalist - was shortlisted for the booker in 2007 (didn't win - was beaten out by anne enrights 'the gathering')...

i've had it on the shelf for a while (this isn't unusual for me) and picked it up monday...and could not put it down

i loved the first person narrative and the fact that the entire book took place in just one evening (although it recounted stories of times gone by)...

great read, thank you!

i couldn't have my finger in more pies...

it's kinda funny how when you start thinking about stuff, and set your mind to something and even tell people your plans, how things start to align...

so you know i've left the bank i was working at and have had aspirations to set up my own business (coaching, counselling, leadership development etc)? well a coupla months in it's all coming good...

i have one paying client and am loving the work i am doing with him...and i have (as the title suggests) my fingers in many pies in an attempt to create a portfolio of things i love doing...i have at least 7 or 8 potential opportunities, all that have come about through either existing relationships (apparently this is called networking!!!!) or through just being resourceful and getting myself out there...

sooo it's all slowly coming together!

wish me luck

xx

i ended up having a good day despite a not so good

start...

woke up feeling like crap - have been fighting a lurgy for well over a week so decided rather than forcing myself to get up and go into town to attend a seminar (one i actually wanted to go to) and lunch with a friend, i would stay in bed, get a cuppa and read/sleep...

then i dragged myself out of bed and realised how much i miss ben when he starts work early - it's freezing in bed without him and how much i miss the sun when it's not out :-( i felt positively bleak...

got a bit better once i got into action - followed up somethings that have been bugging me and turns out i am now eligible to graduate as the person who wasn't playing nicely has finally done what he should have weeks ago and filled in my form - thank you!

had a nice lunch, tried the cryptic crossword (did not get anywhere close to succeeding), stripped the bed and put a nice brightly coloured doona cover on the bed, had a shower, then called my old boss, after a quick call to dymocks to see if they were hiring!

had a lovely chat with the old boss who couldn't believe i was 40 - really good to talk to him - this is someone i worked with/for for 10 years so even though we don't talk that often, we have plenty in common when we do :-)

then i picked benny up from work, got home, went out again to get us a treat (scones from bakers delight) and whilst i was at st leonards went into a shop i always walk past to let them know if they ever wanted a counsellor/coach for their clients and to add to there offerings, that i had recently graduated and would be happy to work in their practice...

also i have spent some time thinking about business names (think i've landed on one), business cards and design etc (close on that too)...funny little story about business cards - on sunday whilst having lunch at cafe sydney i noticed they had a competition to win $1700 worth of designer clothes - all you had to do was put your business card into a jar - of course i don't yet have a business card, so ben and i had some fun doing one up! he did the design, as, in his words, he was feeling creative (there's a reason behind this...) and he decided to write my company name in block letters (you know, like we used to do on posters when we were kids?) and instead of the hollow shape in the middle of the 'R', he drew a little heart...cute and silly i know, but i made me smile :-)

also a big thank you to leanne for my lovely cafe sydney voucher - ben and i enjoyed a fantastic and very filling lunch there on sunday - on the terrace, front row, overlooking harbour - couldn't ask for more and it was a fantastically sunny day...

sooo despite a bad start to my day it has ended up ok and now i'm about to crawl into bed early and am very grateful that benny doesn't have to get up before the sun is up!

it's been 8 days...

since i've blogged, and honestly, i don't know where the time goes - i cannot believe i ever fitted a job in!

i've had plenty on mind - loads of 'meetings', plenty of 'networking' opportunities and plenty of time out, including walking in the sun...

so i have plenty of news, but none of it concrete so i'm just enjoying some down time, trying to get motivated to do some planning and land on a business name so i can go to the designer/printer and get the relevant stationary done...and am trying to fight this bug that both ben and i have had since monday...

so right now don't have a lot of energy but will write more later!

s
x

thank you universe...

i said to ben earlier, before i got an email which could potentially turn out to be something fabulous, that i felt as though i was on the verge of something big!

i'm just really grateful right now for all the opportunities that are coming my way, for my ability to be myself and having learned some patience...

it's a luxury i wasn't expecting to be able to really consider what it is i want to be doing with my life rather than feeling i have to do whatever will pay the bills...

it's funny, i always thought that financial security came from earning a lot of money! but over the last few months i have learned that maybe spending a bit less and being a bit more sensible is actually a big part of it...

so, thank you universe - i am reallly happy with where i am at right now and looking forward to all of the opportunities that will come my way - i feel as though all the visualising and dreaming and projecting is working and it's all coming together...

and who doesn't love it when a plan comes together?

my very first paying

coaching client signed up today! i am thrilled! i met up with him last week, sent him an email proposal and he sent back an email today saying he'd like to work with me.....and pay me!

so that abn i got in january is now gonna get it's first 'outing' and i am now officially 'in business'!

i'm so proud of myself...this is the sort of work i have wanted to do for a long long time and finally now someone will pay me to partake in their journey :-)

on another note i have a job interview tomorrow - great role, very close to my perfect role, so fingers crossed!

gotta go to bed now to a) get my beauty sleep and b) get to bed at a reasonable hour so i can get up at a not so reasonable hour to wash my hair...groan!

s
x

not only is it...

good to have a fantastic partner, but it's even better to have a resident IT helpdesk in your own home...

need i say more? really?

no more ringing the providers helpdesk, i simply turn my chair around and ask ben nicely and he sorts things out...

not like there was too much to sort out - this move has been, to date, rather seemless...

let's hope it continues!

we're changing isp's...

that's why i've been so quiet - come the 21st of this month we'll be on a new service which we hope is a) more reliable and b) significantly cheaper...

when we're back up i'll write some more

on another note i had a FANTASTIC (but short) catch up with my dearest sister leaf yesterday - so good to see you girl - wish you lived here!!

s
x

i got a new...

dvd player finally! i've had my current one for maybe 5 years and it's been good - it's probably only gotten bad in the last few months due to overuse! so i guess i can't blame the manufacturer...

sooo i now have one that is multi-region, meaning that i can play dvd's from the US so we don't have to wait the ridiculous amount of time it takes things to arrive here in Aus...

very happy!

happy 27th anniversary...

yep, 27 years ago to the day we arrived in australia...

it was (contrary to what my dad promised us) bloody freezing, and in fact snowing when we arrived at richmond airbase! and almost colder in canberra when we arrived there a day or so later...

however, 27 years on, i can't think of a single reason that would make me want to go back to england (well, at least not to live there) - i reflect on this every year at this time and if my dad was here (he was the driving force behind us moving here, after a short stint in adelaide in 1974/5) then i would call him and thank him...

see, i cannot imagine what my life would have been like if we'd stayed there, and no doubt it would have been just fine, but australia is my home...and seriously, who wouldn't want to call it home??

so thanks dad! bloody ingenious decision on your part and one i won't ever forget...

can't wait to see you tuesday

go blues!

xx

don't know what took me so long...

to get help for my back/hip problem...

i've been suffering since november and until the other day i really thought it might just get better on it's own - who was i kidding?

sooo i've now had 2 sessions with my new physio (she's great) and i'm noticing an improvement already -it's gonna be a reasonably painful and long road methinks - probably coz i was stubborn and left it way too long!

sometimes i wonder why i waited so long - i guess a small part of me was scared that they might tell me i needed a hip replacement and with everything else going on the thought of surgery was too much, and to me (and this is not intended to be offensive to anybody reading) hip replacement is usually surgery done to old people or elite sportsmen and women....so i think there had been enough other stuff going on in my health/life so that i didn't want one more little thing to make me feel old...

and don't get me wrong, i have no issue telling people how old i am (i'm 40) but i have really started to notice a decline in my ability to repair when things go wrong and i guess it just doesn't feel that good :-(

anyway, onwards and upwards, new physio is good, nice to talk to also, exercises are good and don't hurt and i'm slowly moving out of the 'in pain 24 hours a day' phase...

lleyton v's andy...

what is a girl to do? i'm torn, really i am...

coupla years ago i would have gone for andy, hands down, no thought required...in fact i did go for andy in the 2005 aus open semi (lleyton ended up winning and then got beaten in the final by my other fave, the cranky russian, aka marat safin...)

but now i'm older and wiser, and of course with the lovely ben, so andy is no longer the love of my life, and of course lleyton has grown up and he's playing some amazing tennis...

so i think i'm gonna put country ahead of former flame, although the truth is, i don't mind who wins - what i want to see is them both play good tennis, and feel that they gave it their best no matter who comes out on top...

so go lleyton and go andy....may the best many win

now my only decision is whether to stay up or not, since another men's qtr final will be on beforehand and it could well be a 1am start...

sure i don't have a job to get up and go to (this is a good thing), but i do have a coffee date with a girlfriend and i'd like to be awake to hear her news...

decisions, decisions!

i'm finished...

yep, never thought i'd get there - the lead up to the finish of my course has been quite difficult and i just wanted it to be over...and now, following my last day of the practical requirements, i can apply to graduate as a counsellor!

how cool is that? who would have thought when i enrolled 3 years ago (to the month) that i would not only enjoy the course as much as i have, but finish, and be in a position (financially i mean) to actually set up?

so it just goes to show that sometimes dreams do come true - and don't get me wrong, it didn't just happen - oh no, i've put in a lot of time and effort and for the most part have enjoyed it immensely...guess as i got closer to the finish line i just wanted to be over the finish line!

so a big congratulations to me!

it's true what they say....

about time that is...you know that as you get older it goes more quickly - and you know what? it really does!

i can't believe, for example, that it's been almost 2 weeks since i last posted - what have i been so busy with?

i can't believe that after just 7.5 hours more of placement i will be eligible to apply to graduate from my course and will be able to practice as a counsellor...

i can't believe that it's been 2 years since my friend sparra died and i can't believe it's now been nearly 3 months since my granda died...

the time really just does fly on by, which is kinda weird, as my first coupla months after leaving work just dragged on - perhaps i was suffering from some depression, perhaps i was just bored, perhaps i had lost a sense of who i was...but now that i'm feeling a whole lot more positive and like my 'old self' the time just seems to get away from me and i find myself wondering where each week has gone...

seems like those weekends roll around a whole lot quicker than i remember and that's kinda funny, since now i no longer work, weekends are not quite as appealing as they used to be! don't get me wrong, i still love them, but they no longer represent an escape from the hell that was work...

anyway, i digress - time really does go quicker as you get older!